We identify with people based on shared commonalities. For example, when I’m in the mood to be creative or feel like an “adult”, I start cooking, search for food blogs, or look for fellow foodies on Instagram.  Likewise, if I’m preparing for a half-marathon, I find fit people online to give me inspiration and I gravitate towards the athletic types in my social circles.

We all feel a little safer with those that we can identify with, and lean towards those that we can share stories with. And THAT is exactly why I don’t like reading Proverbs 31.

For so many women, Proverbs 31 has become this measuring stick of perfection that I associate with white doilies and shallow conversation lacking heart and empathy. If I see “Proverbs 31” mentioned anywhere, I avoid that ministry like the plague, groan internally, and my shoulders slump. The truth is, I simply cannot identify with the woman described in that chapter.

Thankfully, I have found other examples of godly women I CAN identify with in the Bible!  Hannah, for example.  After feeling inferior because of self-imposed comparison to another woman for years, and after feeling like a failure as a wife,

“In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly.” (1 Samuel 1:10)

That single verse hits my heart in its very core.

Or what about Naomi? After losing her husband, and then her two sons, she hopelessly said to her daughters-in-law:

“’Don’t call me Naomi (pleasant),^” she told them. “Call me Mara (bitter), because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty.’” Ruth 1:20-21, notes mine.

I can’t identify with a ‘perfect’ life, but I can identify with imperfection and heartache. Although the woman described in Proverbs 31 may have gone through a lot to become who she was, we only read the results of presumed struggles. However, I can definitely identify with Hannah’s feeling of rejection and inferiority, and I can identify with Naomi’s feelings of loss and hopelessness. Both women may have thought:

“My way is hidden from the Lord, and my just claim is passed over by my God” Isaiah 40:27.

But, we cannot stay in the place of hurt and rejection. Let us also remember the truth. God eventually brought the hope, justice, and love each woman needed. He did NOT abandon them or leave them in a place of despair. Hannah received the baby she prayed for and Naomi received the family and security she thought were lost forever.

Neither woman turned her back on God, but with honesty acknowledged the truth of her situation, hung on to life…and waited. And God fulfilled each hearts’ need and desire. His answers were unexpected, but each answer was satisfying.  Heartache turned to joy!

Be encouraged! If you are going through something hard, oppressive, or seemingly hopeless.  God has not disappeared!

“Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40: 28-31)

Wait, pray, and seek God. He will be found. And for me that’s what it looks like … just living the thing.

 

My kind friends offered to help me sort through my parents’ kitchen after the big move. They scrounged empty banana boxes from Save Mart and together we packed up the remains of the day.

I found myself wanting to hang on to the “non-valuable” pile; cheap plastic glasses, cracked cereal bowls, old Tupperware circa 1965, and especially the chipped roast beef platter from Sunday dinners growing up in the parsonage.

But there is no room for all that in my house. Besides, my parents are still alive at 92 and 93, and I have heirlooms coming out my ears. So what’s up with the lump in my throat? And why is it so hard to walk away from the discard box?

Letting go feels like I am losing something foundational and irreplaceable. This move to assisted living is making me feel unstable, and my heart doesn’t seem to have a landing place.

Maybe that is the crisis. My security has latched on to sameness. There is comfort in the familiar, especially when it has been a refuge.

I look up “refuge” in my thesaurus. Many restful images surround this word. Retreat. Haven. Harbor. Resort. Shelter. Hiding place. These words describe how I’ve felt when we have prayed together in this home over the years.

A verse has been running through my mind during this process; as the movers came on Monday, as I talked with a potential buyer on Wednesday, and now as I say goodbye to the little things,

“GOD is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

…not the home they are leaving, or the dishes, or the roast beef platter.

It seems like I’m being asked to decide where I will find refuge in the middle of this big change. Maybe I can try and recreate the past… God plus everything staying the same…God plus the stuff that makes me feel good… God plus my parent’s faith. Or, I can release the props and let it just be God. Rearranging the environment doesn’t rearrange Him.

My head knows I can trust the Changeless One, It’s my heart that needs a little coaxing. It feels vulnerable and uncertain to leave the things. I grieve all they represent. But when I think about it I realize they are symbols of His faithfulness. Trusting the source is way better than trusting the leftovers, when you’re… just living the thing.

I met the man of my dreams in 1991 and I rediscovered him two years ago as he came along side me in this journey that is cancer. Dave has always been there for me but over the years I had come to take this for granted.

Like every marriage we’ve had our ups and downs; with the stresses of raising a family, and just the business of everyday life. When I was diagnosed with cancer our life came to a sudden stop and the things that seemed to consume our time weren’t so important any more. I learned to cherish my husband again, and in return I got a husband who is worth cherishing.

Because of this, I can honestly say that if given the chance to change what I have gone through I wouldn’t do it. I have come to appreciate and love Dave at a deeper level than ever before and I know we are blessed to have the relationship we do.

A couple months ago Dave gave me the lyrics to a song and told me,

“This is the husband I want to be for you”.

So to quote the country wisdom of Martina McBride in her song “I’m Gonna Love You Through It”;

“When you’re weak I’ll be strong        

               When you let go I’ll hold on;

          When you feel lost, scared to death

               Like you can’t take one more step,

          Just take my hand

               Together we can do it

          I’m going to love you through it.”

 And he has done just that.

He’s the man who, with every fiber of his being wants to “fix it” when I hurt, has learned to just be there.

He’s the man who can always find the good in me.

He’s the man who told me it’s an honor to care for me, even if that means holding my hair while I throw up.

He’s the man who brought pruners to the hospital so he could cut a branch that always caught on my wig.

He’s the man who has made it his life’s mission to make my stoic doctor laugh no matter what and in the process has me cracking up when I might want to cry instead.

He’s the man who has helped me through all of this with his wonderful sense of humor; always making me laugh even when other people may think we’re nuts.

He’s the man who loves me in a way everyone can see and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

Our life isn’t perfect and the stresses we face now make the others pale in comparison, but when things get tough we jokingly tell each other,

“You’re lucky I love you baby because next time I’m marrying for money.” This may be why people think we’re nuts.

We are thankful that we have the strength of each other, and our faith in a good God who is going to love us through this as we are…..just living the thing.

It was entirely unintentional (read, guilty as charged), but recently I offended a friend who made some strong comments about a speech at one of the political conventions, which I mistakenly interpreted to mean she was getting really ‘worked up’.   I was wrong, was told that in no uncertain terms, because that’s how Jamaicans roll, and promptly apologized.

However, I am still deeply concerned about the nature/content of comments I’m seeing and hearing from some fellow believers in Jesus, expressing their views on the candidates for president and politics in general.  Our participation in the vitriol, anger, and fear/hate-mongering, coupled with blinders-on, impassioned, and almost deified expectations of one candidate or another is seriously alarming me.

Hard life experiences have ensured that I’m neither “super-spiritual” nor self-righteous, so I’m blaming this increasing concern and hyper-awareness on my recent study of Paul’s letter to the believers at Colossae.  He wrote;

“If then you have been raised with Christ to a new life,…aim at and seek the rich, eternal treasures that are above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. And set your minds and keep them set on what is above, the higher things, not on the things that are on the earth…” Colossians 3:1-2 Amplified Bible

Paul was not telling them to be so “heavenly-minded they were of no earthly use”, but that their worldview, and how they lived their everyday lives were to be influenced primarily by how God sees things.

Because we believe in Jesus, we are challenged to daily approach, comment, and act on socio-economic, racial, political, cultural, and every other issue in accordance with God’s perspective and directive.

Of course, determining and acting on God’s perspective isn’t always easy or popular.  I’m still trying to figure out how anybody would read the Bible and conclude that slavery was okay with God!

That kind of evil and our other general craziness only happens when we come to God’s Word with our worldview already set in place; with hard hearts and minds stubbornly made up; just searching for ways to make the Bible say what we want to justify our self-willfulness.

Come November, I am going to exercise my right and privilege to vote for one of the three candidates for President, giving more weight to what they’ve already done,

“You will fully recognize them by their fruits…” Matthew 7:16a Amplified Bible,

and after much prayer asking God alone to guide my decision.

“Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all you heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.  In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 Ibid

Meantime, I continue to seek to know God’s viewpoint on everything, holding my peace, and confident that,

“He changes times and the seasons; He removes kings and sets up kings…” Daniel 2:21 Ibid

so no matter who is elected, I’ll still be… just living the thing.

Ann Marie

It felt good to swing a golf club again. It had been at least three years since I had played the game and I realized just how much I missed it. I was surprised that I could still drive the ball 150 yards; 100 yards straight and 50 yards to the right. Anyway I was thankful that after three surgeries I still had a good range of motion and no pain.

By that evening, however, things had changed. Fast forward one week and I am having an unexpected surgery to remove my left implant and clean up an infection that two strong antibiotics couldn’t heal. This wasn’t part of the plan and just like that I was back at square one.

Home for two days and on the couch, held hostage by my nightly physical therapy treatment, I lost it. Physically I was fine, but emotionally I was done; I didn’t want to do this anymore. With tears streaming down my face and one hot flash after another sapping my energy I gave into despair.

I felt like I was on a journey whose final destination kept disappearing around the next bend. This bump in the road threw me for a loop because just when I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel; it turned out to be a train.

Not surprisingly God was faithful in the midst of my struggles. You see, that train turned out to be full of the hands and feet of God in the form of wonderful friends and family; people ready to speak truth and scripture into my situation, reminding me to live like I really believe those scriptures and not let my feelings take over.

The first thing one friend said was, “The Lord is keeping you on your knees”. Simple words packing powerful conviction and definitely not a bad place to be. Katelyn, one of my favorite 10 year-olds, told me to listen to the song “No Matter What” by Kerrie Roberts. One line says;

“No matter what, I’m going to love you; no matter what I’m going to need you. I know that you can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not I’ll trust you, no matter what”

The song is now part of my daily play list and a great reminder to me that God is stronger than my feelings. Katelyn’s mama gave me this verse:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

I camped on this verse for the better part of a week letting it become part of my thinking. If God has commanded me to be strong and courageous He will give me the power to do just that. This time it came through his praying people who make me feel surrounded by love and filled with gratitude to be…..just living the thing.

It was a long day. I was up early with a headache; way too early. My day was already slated to be a long one. One of those days where things just need to get done so you just plow through them. I had an evening meeting, and then one of my clients had to go to the emergency room. I really had no room in my tight schedule for this. I started to feel flustered.

Well, everything got taken care of and I hit home late, tired, and worn. As I walked toward the door I saw my dogs in the window. I had left them locked up so this was not a welcome sight. In a nanosecond I also remembered that I had not taken the trash out that morning. Ugh! My dogs like to get into the trash when they are left out.

In those couple seconds as I walked to the door I realized that after this never ending day I might have to walk into the house and pick up trash. And, just as I was about to unlock the door this thought jumped into my mind;

“Lord, even if I walk into a mess that I will have to clean up, I will still praise You.”

Seems kind of silly, but sometimes it is a small thing that becomes the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back. I was not going to let a little trash steal my joy.

What is it that causes you to stop praising your Lord? We often find ourselves in circumstances that can try to rob us of our contentment in Him. I want to be able to walk ever so closely with Jesus that when those things come I can say:

• I lost my mom…I will still praise You.
• I have cancer…I will still praise You.
• My child walked away from the Lord…I will still praise You.
• My husband had an affair…I will still praise You.
• Things did not go my way…I will still praise You.

God’s Word calls us to praise Him, in fact in Luke 19 Jesus says if we don’t praise Him even “the very stones would cry out.”

“Praise the LORD! Praise the LORD, O my soul!” Psalm 146:1

“With all my heart, I will praise the LORD.  Let all who are helpless, listen and be glad.” Psalm 34:2

“But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.” Psalm 22:3

What is it that is currently threatening to steal your peace, joy and contentment? Our circumstances do not dictate whether God is worthy of our praise, He is always worthy! Because of this truth, we can still praise Him.

Father in Heaven; God of mercy, grace and compassion, thank you for Your love. Gently remind us when the circumstances of life seem too overwhelm us, that You are sovereign, that You have us in the palm of Your hand and that we can rest in You as we are…just living the thing.

I’ve been reading the book of Joshua each morning while sitting outside on my little patio area drinking coffee, and was reminded that God makes a way for the promises He gives to be fulfilled.

In Joshua 3-4 God told Joshua to lead his entire nation of people across a river that was at flood stage to take control of land promised to them decades before. As soon as the priests’ feet touched the water, it withdrew and as God held back the water, the people crossed on dry land. Once the nation had safely crossed, God released the waters and the river resumed to its flow.

I’m sure Joshua had questions and a lot of disbelief to work through as he listened to God while looking at the impossible feat ahead. But God kept His word, and a pathway across the water was made.

Was there fear in the middle of the riverbed? Did they think about all the potential “what ifs”? For instance, what if the water was suddenly released? The impact would crush them and even if it didn’t, babies can’t swim. And I doubt that many adults knew how to swim given their extended stay in Egypt and the long time spent wandering in the desert.

What if their enemies took advantage of this opportunity? They could have been attacked by enemies from behind, and from enemies ahead! After the last one crossed over, the water returned, and I’m sure there was finality…and more fear, because even if they chickened out the option to go back had been removed.

When I read this story, I see that God provided a way for the vision and instruction He gave. I see that He kept his people safe as long as they were obedient. I see He closed the door behind them so evil people couldn’t pursue them, but it also took away the option to turn back once they had committed so they could only look ahead, and I see that they had success as they moved forward. (Side note, do we really experience success or triumph when we look backwards? – queue salty picture of Lot’s wife)

I struggle a lot with things I feel God has told me, because those things have not come to fruition and right now many things do not even seem possible. Did I hear God right? Do I keep hanging on? Am I in a waiting phase? Or did He change His mind? Honestly, I am not sure. But one thing I know is that as long as Israel was obedient, they were taken care of, and God kept His promises. So it is safe to live in obedience.

Admittedly, I have not been very successful in my obedience lately and am glad for the reminder that when God speaks, He provides a way for His word to be fulfilled, regardless of the seemingly immovable obstacles. So, my (sinful) heart is willing, and while I am waiting… I’m just living this thing.

I don’t love Modesto. Though I have tried to guilt myself into a better attitude, it takes several days of grieving after visiting one of the cities on my list of “preferred places to live”, till I finally surrender to my residential reality. And, this is where Jonah comes in.

I don’t like reading about Jonah. Visions of man-swallowing fish are disturbing, which is largely why I have not taken up paddle boarding. And creepy fish aside, I relate all too well with someone running the other way when God requires difficult obedience. I tried that years ago. It didn’t go well for me either.

However, I must admit that I still have ‘Jonah episodes’… every time vacation is over. Like this week, when I resisted returning home for the umpteenth time.  I asked God why I can’t seem to fully accept living in Modesto.  I’ve always viewed this city as a temporary lay-over on the way to my real destination – somewhere safer, more beautiful, more cultured, more spiritually significant.

As I read about Jonah’s plan to catch the next ship to some place other than where God called him, bells go off in my head. Jonah wasn’t a rebel, he had valid reasons: Nineveh was an evil city, which today would rank highest on everybody’s ‘places to avoid’ list. Sounds familiar.  But what’s wrong with living the dream? Everyone on House Hunters finds their ideal home, in their favorite location.

Then I read the part about “the word of the Lord” telling him to go. Up to this moment in time, I have not seen my life in Modesto as specifically designed for a purpose. It’s been my default. And my wanderlust is not really disobedience; more like window shopping.

Contrary to Jonah’s commitment to a vacation lifestyle, God called him in the opposite direction. His life’s purpose was not to find fulfillment, it was to fulfill the will of God, and God loved the people of Nineveh. That part of the story fit the missing piece to the puzzle of my discontent.

When “living the dream” is my focus, life is all about me. When my focus is obedience, I partner with God and His purposes. And His love for the souls described in Jonah 4:11 showed me His heart for Modesto. He loves the people here. 

A beautiful location is not the criterion for God’s blessing or the indicator of His activity. I can choose to believe these years “stuck” in Modesto have not been just my default, a waste of time, or a mistake, but an intentional placement of God. I don’t want to end up like Jonah, angry that He used me to care for a city from which I want to escape. I want to be a willing participant and part of His solution. So I do want to love Modesto, because God loves her.

I also think it will help if I watch less HGTV and focus on… just living the thing.

 

This Friday a team of men from my church in California will leave for Jamaica to partner in ministry with some of the best people I know, mentors from the Swallowfield Boys’ Club in Kingston.  I first wrote about this summer camp for un-churched boys who live in an area characterized by poverty and violence in November last year (see The Power of One, 11/8/2015).

As events have unfolded nothing has happened the way I saw it in my head when I sat down to interview the senior pastor of Swallowfield Chapel, and the Director of the Boys’ Club back in October.  Money for sponsorships has been provided with very little input from me, except to share their story with a few people, and I have had absolutely nothing to do with the team headed down, except to feed them Jamaican food… one time! 

My excitement is a living breathing thing as preparations for this unusual camp ramp up, and one phrase from Scripture is stuck on repeat in my head,

“…this was the Lord’s doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes.”  Mark 12:11

First of all, the burden I’ve felt for these boys and their mentors is completely unexpected.  I’m usually a Women’s Ministry kind of girl and have no problem “stayin’ in mah lane”!  What do I know about ministering to these boys or encouraging the men who have worked this hard ground for so many years without seeing any abundance of fruit from their labor?  BUT GOD…

“…He who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever or can see. To Him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.”  1 Timothy 6:15b – 16

The reality of God’s absolute sovereignty, (supreme power and authority) chaps our hide if we do not know or trust Him enough, or are stubbornly determined to be rebellious in our hearts. We might hate the truth that free will and the ability to make our own choices operate strictly within the impassable boundaries that God Himself has set, but… it is what it is.

For those of us who see Him for who He truly is, who know that the very essence of His being is perfect love, and choose to trust Him enough to relinquish our will to His, the absolute sovereignty of God is the only true security to be found in this uncertain world.  In perilous times, difficult circumstances, and daunting challenges, my soul remains anchored in the truth that my Sovereign God never says,

“Oooops!  Never saw that coming! Kinda messes up Mah plan!”

The Bible recounts the devastating experiences of a man named Job, but it also tells the priceless treasure he discovered in the end;

“I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.” Job 42:2

That!  …that right there my friends is all my security, for camp and beyond …just living the thing.

I wasn’t happy as I lay there that morning. I was waiting for my radiation treatment but I had to get to church, I had to lead the discussion at Bible Study and I wanted coffee (emphasis on all the “I”s). Then it hit me; through the inconvenience of being late God had blessed me.

Usually one or two people occupy the waiting room; eyes in their laps lost in their own thoughts. If you’ve known me for any length of time you know that’s not me though. If I was going to share a waiting room with someone for 6 weeks I was going to know names.

There was Sylvia (her poodles wait for her in the car), Terry (she was almost done), Mr. Anderson (who absentmindedly rubs the angry scar on his head) and Maria. Maria was my blessing that day. Usually we have just enough time to say good morning, find out how treatment is going, and how each other’s weekend was. However, because of a late doctor I got to hear her story.

In July 2013 Maria had a mastectomy, no additional treatment needed; until it was discovered that cancer had been left behind. Fast forward a year; more surgery, chemo and radiation along with a diagnosis of incurable stage 4 breast cancer. She would have cancer forever, however long her forever was. She knew though in her heart that wasn’t God’s plan for her and she and her husband were trusting God for total healing.

We were able to share our God stories and how we were both relying on the strength that God gives us every day and looking for the blessings in the pain. I could tell that we had everyone’s attention and I said a quick prayer for those who were listening to our stories. Maria had a scan in December and they were unable to find any signs of cancer! What a morning that was. What I would have missed out on if the doctor had been on time.

A favorite verse of mine is:

“This is the day that the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

If this is the day that God made then this is the minute that God made and this is the moment that God made and I am to rejoice in all of them even the ones that mess up my plans.

“We can make our plans but the Lord determines our steps.” Proverbs 6:9

I know this is true for our life-size steps, or the little steps. We make our plans and are in such a hurry that we get upset with any delays or God-ordained detour.  However, God’s schedule is far better than anything we can come up with. I am very thankful a late appointment was His plan for me that day and I realize that when my plans get messed up to keep my eyes open for His blessings as I’m…. just living the thing.