I just got back from bridal/bachelorette party weekend for a close friend. The weekend was full of planning, storytelling, some awkwardness, gift relocation, healthy laughter, and good food, wrapping up with a trip to the spa for massages.

For my friends the massage part of the weekend was the cherry on top, but I was anxious because it’s hard for me to let everything go and just be still. I’m usually multitasking, or thinking about the next ten steps for life, so lying still for 50 minutes to unwind seemed just too difficult a task.

One of the other girls drove our party of four, and as we entered the spa the smells that welcomed us promised a peaceful time, but I still wasn’t so sure. We were each summoned by our therapist, and exited the lounge to assigned private rooms. Of course, the single rooms were booked, so I was led outside to couples massage room…alone.

The poor masseuse did her best, but after quite a bit of flinching, she realized I was a piece of work that needed more than one massage session, so I think she lowered her expectation of what she could accomplish in just 50 minutes. Have you ever seen a meat mallet? They are square with sharp ridges, and you use them to pound steak? THAT probably would have been a useful tool on my back.

Massage over, I headed back into the lounge area where the other girls and I sat in our small circle of four chairs, sipped mimosas, and talked.  But almost immediately, I wanted to get my phone. I wondered if anyone had texted, if I missed any calls, or if I was missing something else. Unfortunately, it was in a locker so I wasn’t able to retrieve it without being rude to the party.

Finally, I decided to just be. Be in the moment. Be within the current conversation. Be with real, living people, in Real Life. And when I finally let go of all the places I wanted to be, I was able to unwind. Soon, I felt relieved that I didn’t have my purse, my phone, or my car. To be in a place where I forced to live in the moment suddenly felt wildly refreshing.

I could probably make a ton of comparisons about how God made a seventh day devoted to rest for a reason, how Jesus lingered with people, that He even took his disciples away for rest when they needed it, but honestly, I just want to remember that today, I sat and lived an unhurried afternoon listening to other people talk.

Although I’m grateful for a good massage, I am more thankful that I was not in control of my life for that short period of time. Today I relaxed. Just living the thing can often be challenging, hard, and sometimes full of difficult lessons, but today, I am thankful that living the thing meant just living in the moment, relaxing, and being still.

There are times I find myself in places where I am just moving along in life, then I’ll have an idea;

Hey!  I think I will __________ .  (Fill in the blank).

This time, for whatever reason I found myself saying,

“I think I will further my education in my field of business, just for personal development”. That’s it!  Nothing more.

Then God starts talking to me in stereo through different avenues of my life. There is no way each avenue could be possibly connected EXCEPT that I am the pot it all falls into, and I start to realize maybe God is doing a new work in me. Translation: God is stirring the pot!

Unfortunately, my first reaction is often; PANIC!  Then the conversations/negotiations with God go something like this;

But I’m comfortable! I don’t need more! I don’t need bigger. Oh, but I do need more of God showing His power in my life. He tends to do it in very practical ways.

But I’m afraid.

“…Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid…” Joshua 1:9

Well, THAT’S easier said than done!

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

Lord, I really don’t think I know how to do what you are calling me to.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, acknowledge Him in all of your ways, He will make your path straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

I KNOW these Scriptures and my life has tested and verified the truth of them repeatedly! I’ve lived long enough to have experienced deep pain, heights of joy, and the easy, everyday “comfortable” places.  But how does all this fit into my life’s purpose, and the greatest commandment for me as a believer to “love God and love people”? (I wish it included “love dogs”. I’d totally have 2 out of 3 down!  Sometimes the “people” part really snags me up.)

But back to the question. Where, and to what am I being called presently?  Not yesterday, and not tomorrow. Today. Where is He calling me to the edge of trusting Him AND to allow myself to be comfortable there?

My friend Barb says, “If you’re not living on the edge you’re taking up too much space”.

I believe God is once again calling me to the edge, to a new season, and He is asking me to do exactly what the Bible says; TRUST!

I can picture myself on the edge of a cliff turned backwards; toes right on the edge, arms outstretched, ready to fall into those arms of my loving God and Father who I can hear saying,

“Trust Me. I have you! Don’t be afraid! Go for it!”

…just living the thing!

With 2017 fast approaching I pulled out my Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance Of The Bible (kicking it old school) to see how many times the word ‘new’ is used in the King James Bible in reference to God’s interaction with humankind, and it was a lot! I stopped counting at 60+.

He is continually “making new” or “doing a new thing” and something deep inside me responds to that truth with excitement, and ever-renewing hope because of the extraordinary power and creativity of my God to deliver, heal, redeem and restore; to make all things new again and again!

It is a rare thing indeed for me to even be awake when the New Year arrives, though I do appreciate the symbolism, but the Lord knows I need ‘do-overs’, and ‘newness’ way more than just once a year.

“This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.  Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.  ‘The Lord is my portion’, says my soul, ‘therefore I hope in Him!’” Lamentations 3:21-24

One of my friends posted this message on Facebook:

“Our hope is not in the new year…but in the One who makes all things new.”

My hope for 2017 and beyond is in the One who gave me new life; who amplifies my joys daily, redeeming the times of hurt, loss, and failure, guiding me safely through it all so I don’t self-destruct, and teaches me to use the lessons learned to inform my present, and serve my future.

“Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth.  Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert…  Because I give waters in the wilderness and rivers in the desert, to give drink to My people, My chosen.  This people I have formed for Myself; They shall declare My praise.” Isaiah 43:19-21

I do have some strong ‘desires’ for the coming year; to get a ‘newer’ car before this one falls to pieces around me, finally landscape the back yard, make great memories with my youngest who gets married in June, and go home to Jamaica at Christmas for the first time in 20+ years.

However, years of experience following Jesus has taught me to hold even good plans very loosely in my heart and mind because,

“ ‘…my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’ says the Lord.  ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

My REAL plan is to navigate this new year like a Jamaican in a crowd where they’re handing out free food; eyes fixed on Jesus, hanging on with a vise grip to the One who leads me, clearing my path and making a way even where there seems to be no way.

No anxiety. No fear… just living the thing.

Wishing you and yours a blessed Christmas and New Year…from the JLTT team!

Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. I love the way it brings out the good in people. I love celebrating the birth of Jesus and worshiping with the people at our church. I love preparing our hearts and our homes. I love pulling out the Christmas decorations that we have collected over the years. Every year I look forward to opening the well-worn boxes and hanging the ornaments at their special places on the tree.

I especially love getting out all of our nativity scenes – this year I counted nine, including the one I keep up all year. I took my time arranging each one and as I was doing the final touch of spreading the hay, I began to think about how different they were. Of course they all include Jesus, Mary and Joseph but after that they all take on the imagination of the one who designed them. Some seem to be historically correct but one of my favorite nativities has the shepherd wearing a fedora of all things. Some of them have baby Jesus barely covered while others have him wrapped tightly against the cold.  I got to thinking about that very first Christmas and how we can only wonder what it was really like.

Two-thousand years ago:

The manger on the china hutch

     Shows  starlight shining low

The nativity in the other room

     Has a little bit of snow

What was that night really like

     Two-thousand years ago?

The sheep are at the shepherd’s feet

     The camels lay outside,

Is the young donkey in the stable

     The one that gave Mary a ride?

What were the wise men thinking

     As they gazed upon the king?

Did they worship on their knees

     Did they hear the angels sing?

They placed their gifts and treasures

     On the ground at Jesus’ feet

Did they know that this new babe

     Would be the bema seat?

The shepherds looked with wonder

     At the truth the angels told

Did they wish they had a gift to bring

     Like frankincense and gold?

Were there people crowded ‘round

     The place the baby king was born

Or were they still all sleeping

     On that very Christmas morn?

That holy night in Bethlehem

     Brought good will to men on earth

When God the Father sent his son

     To live with men on earth.

We could wonder at what happened

     Or believe in what we know,

A savior child was born to us

     Two-thousand years ago.

Some details about the birth of Jesus that are unknown to us, like so many things in the Bible that God decided not to reveal, but nativity scenes are a great tradition we can use to tell the Christmas story, even if there’s no camel, or your shepherd is wearing a fedora. The heart of the story is not in those inconsequential details, but in the never-ending love of a God who sent His own Son to be the Savior of world… just living the thing.

For many years Christmas was not a good time of year for me. I got married right before Christmas 1991, and for many years after I was not a fan of the holidays. It was my own fault. I was such an idealist, with high expectations about what married life was supposed to look like; what I was supposed to look like. I had an unrealistic ideas of what being a wife and a mother was like in real, everyday life.

Believing a lot of the lies I’d been fed inside and outside the church set me up for epic failure. It didn’t take long for me to respond with deep disappointment at myself, my husband and my children. Nothing was turning out the way I thought it would. My idea of a perfect little family was far from perfect, but I kept holding on for dear life to those ideals. I was intent on being Superwoman.

The Martha Stewart era was the perfect time for me to try and fit into the Superwoman role. I kept a super clean house, hosted friends, and made dinners and desserts from scratch.  My kids always looked cute, and knew how to sit quietly in church (well, most of the time). I even sewed clothes for them and their Barbie dolls.

It all looked quite right from the outside but inside I was a mess. I was never content and couldn’t enjoy a moment because I was too worried about the next. I would snap or yell at my kids if they didn’t do things the way I wanted, and disrespected their dad if he didn’t jump in and help. I constantly criticized myself about how I could have done things better. It was insanity.

Then I grew. I read. I listened.

I gleaned wisdom from those who had been there, done that. I made a paradigm shift and learned to let go; to let myself off the hook for things that I never should have thought I was “on the hook” for. I started to let myself be me; who God created me to be and to let others be them, whomever God created them to be.

I memorized Luke 10:41-42.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I learned to sit at Jesus feet.

In my insanity I did not like the holidays because it was just another reminder of my failures. Instead of a lovely picture of hot cocoa and singing carols around a beautiful fire, we fought putting up the Christmas tree, and didn’t have lights on the house.

Sitting at Jesus’ feet allows me to let go of those lofty expectations of a Norman Rockwell painting kind of family.  I have embraced my family as it is, messes and all, as we are all… just living the thing.

Woah baby, this past week has been a fight. I have been doing some battling, with God in the role of unresponsive “opponent”.  God is love, but I have not been so loving. I’d say “frustrated” would be the nicest word I could use to describe my interactions with God.

Some of my frustration comes because I feel God’s answers in the past haven’t come to life, so I struggle with distrust. How can I seek God for answers with other big life decisions if it appears He didn’t come through for me the past? Where do I go for direction after that?

Honestly, I know my frustrations contradict themselves. I demand things I crave, and then a few hours later, I confess I don’t really want those things.  One day I question what I want, and the next I’m angry because I don’t have things I felt God promised.  If I don’t know what my heart wants, how in the world am I supposed to expect God to answer prayers that change sometimes hourly?!

I imagine that to God, I’m like a football bouncing everywhere, demanding that He catch me.  I wait for answers, but don’t hear anything. It’s just quiet. Friends praise God for amazing things He did, about miracles where a situation was impossible until God intervened …and I’m sitting here like what the heck did I do to get ‘benched’? It makes me mad to see Him active in other’s lives, but not in my life – a lie I wasn’t successful in fighting this past week.

I know that although feelings are real, I’m also waging a war against the lies I hear internally. Regardless of the timelines I impose on God, He promises that:

“…if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.” Proverbs 2:3-5

I know God is a good Father who wants to give us good things:

^“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:11

I know that part of living life means waiting through life:

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” Psalm 27:14

And I know, and am VERY thankful, that when I get mad at my loving Father, He forgives:

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

With this post, I live in confession that I go through phases of struggling; that it is a battle for me to trust God consistently, and it’s hard to hurt well. But I also confess that every time I’ve been in a difficult position in the past where I’ve (literally) cried to God, “Please don’t let me go!”, He has been faithful to hold on to me and at some point, I reach a time of peace, of safety.

Although my actions don’t deserve it, THAT remembrance gives me so much hope for His continued faithfulness! This is my real life and this is what it looks like sometimes …just living the thing.

This is me.

The woman who moved from Jamaica to northern California and, despite having a post-graduate education, struggled for months to figure out how the deer around Lake Chabot knew that they should cross the street at the “Deer Crossing” signs.  Google did not exist sooooo…

Still, I am loved.

I was in my thirties before I learned that tattoos were not painted on with permanent ink, there were NEEDLES involved! Still no Google, and still no tattoo sooooo… that was one wasted trip to Haight and Ashbury.

Yet still, I am loved.

I blame my Jamaican-ness for the fact the movie-watching is an interactive experience, although I have learned to control myself at public theaters…well, mostly.  In Jamaica the best entertainment at the movie theater comes from the audience.  We encourage, warn, and give advice to the protagonists and verbally abuse the antagonists, while reminding each other out loud of similar experiences in our lives, real or imaginary, as the basis for the sound advice we are giving the actors!

Still, I am loved.

Who says, “Is that a dog?” at the beginning of Racing Stripes, knowing that the movie is about a ZEBRA?!  And who, when asked, “Mom, what kind of pizza do you want?” responds, “I’m going to make cake!”?  I cook gourmet meals, but burn the bread.  I am a giant among my more regular-sized friends; louder and more  Momma Hulk than  Momma bear.  I have failed so many times at so many things I could be a ‘Failure Consultant’…

Yet still, I am loved.

Early in life I learned the lie that love is conditional.  My grades, my behavior, my personality, my performance, were all tools of the trade if I was to earn/deserve expressions of love that ebbed and flowed, were given then taken away until I could ‘earn’ more.  I was 50 years old before I walked free from that prison of ‘measuring up’ and ‘living up to expectations’ for the last time.

Now every day I witness and embrace the perfect, unconditional, love God has for me reflected in my very own “village people”, each of us flawed, but faithful; steadfastly believing God and striving daily to actively live His truth.

They remind me of that truth, with gentleness and grace, leaving room for me to find repentance and restoration without shaming, or condemnation.  They are overwhelmingly kind to me and mine, in words and deeds, generously meeting spoken and unspoken needs with no strings attached, and no expectation of reciprocation.

When life becomes war in the trenches, I look around and there they are, shields of faith locked with mine, and warfare prayers on their lips, surrounding me if I become too weak to fight.  They share the joy of victories won, and the sorrow of (temporary) loss or defeat…read the back of the Book…Jesus wins forever!

Yes indeed, I am loved.

This Thanksgiving, I am celebrating the ‘God-reflectors’ in my life who are… just living the thing.

Recently someone hurt one of my children very deeply and with little warning a stark, raving, lunatic, Momma Hulk unleashed, and I went off!  I was angry, hurt, and honest about my feelings… yet completely wrong, because I did not act or speak in accordance with, or obedience to the faith I claim to have in God and the truth of His word.  (Yeah, I’m not into sugarcoating, excusing, OR condemning myself when I just plain mess up).

“Be angry AND do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.  Offer the SACRIFICES OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, and put your trust in the Lord.” Psalm 4:4-5 (emphases mine)

FAILED.

“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” Colossians 4:6

FAILED.

I was in agony over my child’s pain, deeply wounded by deception and betrayal of trust, and felt someway, somehow, I had failed someone I loved.  Anger, fear, and distrust rolled around in my gut like a poisonous swill that spewed out of my mouth…

“…for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”  James 1:20

Into the quiet aftermath of my word vomit came another truth…

“We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.” Romans 8:28 Amplified Bible.

Ohmigaaaaaawsh!  I was soooooo tempted to scream, “PLATITUDE”!

“A remark or statement, especially one with a moral content, that has been used too often to be interesting or thoughtful.” Oxford Dictionary

Suddenly, the horror of dismissing any Word of God as trite or inconsequential rose up and overwhelmed my ‘feelings’ like a tsunami’s tidal wave.  With everything I am I believe God’s Word is ETERNALLY TRUE, so I can BE AS HONEST AS I WANT about my feelings, but in the end, I MUST STRIVE to make my actions and my speech line up with what I say I believe, or the watching world has EVERY RIGHT to question my faith in God.

David is one of my Bible favorites because of the authenticity AND activity of his faith:

God, I feel _______  (angry, alone, fearful,…)

But You, God, are ______  (Sovereign, All-knowing, All-powerful, …),

EVERYTHING You do is _____ (right, purposeful, pre-determined, …)

Therefore, I am going to _____(worship, obey, trust, not act like I’m crazy, …)

Being honest about my feelings does NOT supersede my responsibility to exercise the discipline of discipleship, subject my ‘feelings’ to the truth of God, and then do/say what He says,

“…do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with (my) God.” Micah 6:8

Sometimes my Momma Hulk needs to seek divine wisdom on how to act, and shut her undisciplined mouth!   I trust God to forgive me, and heal all involved. I choose to forgive and must apologize, then keep on… just living the thing.

So this is it. Tuesday marks the end of the craziest election season that we have ever seen. We have heard things that we never wanted to hear and accusations so bizarre they couldn’t possibly be true. There’s been hate, division, and violence and unfortunately I don’t think those will end on Tuesday no matter which candidate gets elected.

Our mail boxes are full of propaganda telling us how good one is and how bad their opponents are; and sometimes it seems they both have compelling arguments. Even the propositions we are voting on are enough to make us shake our heads.

We were out to dinner with friends recently and the conversation turned to politics as I think it does around most dinner tables lately. My friend asked if I was afraid of Tuesday’s outcome, and I told her I wasn’t, neglecting to say I had been afraid in the weeks prior. Every time I watched the debates there just seemed to be such an atmosphere of evil. I would think about our choices and end up sick to my stomach. People whose opinions I respect are on different sides and it caused confusion and stress.

However in the midst of all this angst is the Word of God. Being reminded of the unchanging, eternal Word of God is what brings peace to a struggling mind.

“Praise be to the name of God forever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning..”    Daniel 2: 20-21

“The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules overall.” Psalm 103:19

As it is with everything else in this life, God will not be surprised by the results on Tuesday evening because HE is on the throne and HE is in control. He isn’t worried or scared and we need not be either. Trusting in the sovereignty of God, our job is to pray that we make informed decisions, that His will is done, and then to pray for our elected leaders.  When I remembered this truth it was a moment to take a deep breath, relax and stop worrying.

However our responsibilities don’t end with the election. If we say we trust in the Lord then we need to be prepared to be witnesses of His grace. Opinions will not change and people will be watching how we react. We need to show that our faith is in God and not the candidate who gets elected.

This isn’t a time to be angry or anxious but to live out our faith in God because we know that man’s plans and the devil’s schemes will not thwart the will of God.

“The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will.”  Proverbs 21:1

The Word of God quiets my fears and gives me peace as I am …just living the thing.