I’m not sure when it happened, but sometime after the ‘you’re-so-cute-and-can-do-no-wrong’ baby stage of life, the message I began to get from too many people in my sphere of influence and the world in general changed drastically to, “You… are… not… enough!”

You’re not progressing fast enough; not doing enough, not cool enough, not attractive enough. You haven’t accomplished enough. You’re not ambitious enough, don’t have enough, and don’t give enough. YOU are not enough!

You’d never be able to tell from the outside, but by the time this loud, outgoing, extrovert was a teenager I was already serving a life sentence in the ‘Prison of Performance’. I felt I always failed to measure up, could never live up to the expectations of others, and certainly not the unrealistic expectations I placed on myself.

Sadly, though I felt I was in solitary confinement, I’ve come to realize that there are so many, from all walks of life who shared my incarceration. And some of the worse wardens, the ones who mercilessly wield the measuring sticks are prisoners themselves, just as insecure as I was, and hearing the same tapes echoing in their own heads over and over, YOU are not enough!

In John 4, the apostle writes about a not-so-coincidental meeting Jesus had with a woman who could have written the book on not being enough. In a time and culture where ‘success’ for a woman was marriage and as many children (preferably sons) as possible, she was a spectacular failure. Five men had married, rejected, and divorced her…FIVE, and the man she was with now didn’t even bother to do her the courtesy of marrying her.

Life in her ‘Prison of Perpetual Shame and Humiliation’ had her showing up at the town well to get water at a time that almost guaranteed she would not encounter anyone from the city. How could she have known that an appointment had been made for her to come face to face with God Himself in human flesh and hear His truth, YOU…ARE…ENOUGH!

Enough for me to love you without apology, despite your flaws and failures, and to orchestrate an encounter that will change your life for eternity.

“And many of the Samaritans of that city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, ‘He told me all that I ever did.’” John 4:39

The prison doors swung wide open and this woman was free! Oh, how well I know that sweet feeling of freedom! It was ‘a tough row to hoe’ as we would say in Jamaica, but the truth of the Word set me free too, for,

“…you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free… Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed…” John 8:32 & 36

Maybe I haven’t done all I could do, I certainly haven’t done all I will do, but who I am right now, in this moment, I…AM…ENOUGH! …just living the thing.

There is a lie being told!  It is being told in secular as well as Christian circles, on greeting cards and inspirational posters, and don’t get me started about how many times you see it on Facebook.  Calling it a lie may be too harsh because it implies intent to deceive, so let’s call it a misrepresentation.

I’m talking about the saying, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” You usually hear it when you are in need of encouragement or comfort.  It is usually spoken out of genuine love and concern or maybe because someone doesn’t know what else to say.

Many people think it’s Biblical, and it sure sounds like something from the Bible but you won’t find it anywhere in Scripture. The often misquoted verse is;

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; He will not let you get tempted beyond what you can bear.” 1 Corinthians 10:13.

Paul is clearly talking about temptation, not suffering.

When someone is told that God won’t give them more heartache, pain, suffering or burdens than they can handle it often has the opposite affect than the intended comfort.  It can be discouraging, making you think that you should be able to handle whatever it is just because God has allowed it.

Most of the time the polite response is, “I just wish God didn’t think I could handle so much.”

But what they really mean is, “Are you kidding me? I can’t handle any of this!”

That was my first thought when I was diagnosed with cancer. I had always considered myself a strong person, able to take care of anything, however I realized right away that I didn’t possess the strength needed to deal with the “hard” that came with cancer.

Thankfully there is this promise in Matthew:

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

This verse gives us the blessing of knowing that we don’t have to ‘handle it’ or carry our burdens alone.  At times in our lives God may give us burdens that are much too heavy for us, but Jesus promises that in Him we will find rest for our souls.

He is calling us to lean into Him and find that He lightens the load we are carrying; that He will make life bearable when it seems anything but.

Knowing that life will bring things I can’t handle just makes me rely on a loving God who can. So the next time you hear that phrase just give it a new spin …..God will give you what you CAN handle with Christ, Who will give you strength, as you’re… just living the thing.

A little over four years ago I went up to the mountains to visit an old friend. During our visit, she told me about her ‘celebration color’. Each year she would choose a specific color and when she saw something in that color it would fill her with happiness. She surrounded herself with that color as a remembrance of joy.

I love how God gifts us with creativity in different seasons and for different reasons, so I asked God to help me be more focused and maybe even creative; not one of my strengths.

He gave me a word. COURAGE

Wow!  Courage.  That’s a big word. As I contemplated the word courage over and over, God gave me direction. There were all sorts of new things I was encountering that year: saying goodbye to kids who were moving out, living as a newly single person after 20 years, finishing my bachelor’s degree, thinking about a new job. It was a perfect word for that season, and God gave me all the courage I needed.

This led me into a season of GRATITUDE, the next year’s word. Boy was I grateful. I was so full. God had seen me through so many difficult moments, how could I not be grateful? I flew through the year with an attitude of gratitude.

Year three was JOY. This was an exciting word for me. What did God have in store for me this year? As I walked into this new season with anticipation, He truly blew my socks off. After finishing school and a career of 23 years, He moved me into a new job that used my skills and abilities, and where I was able to share freely the reason for the joy I have. My youngest child went away to school which left me home with an empty nest, but my nest wasn’t empty, because my heart was full.

Last year’s word was a little more demure. ABANDON. This word can be taken two ways;

1. Leave something behind, and
2. Give up control.

As the year began I thought more about the latter, what did I need to give up control of? I think God had both meanings in mind. I’ve given up control of certain things that I needed to surrender to my King, but I also had to leave something behind. Not as fun as joy, but I believe the harvest of my abandon this year will be bountiful.

This brings me to my word for this year. DISCIPLINE.

As I said, I am not so excited about this one; less one thought. If God has directed me to this word, then He has an amazing plan and I need to be willing to walk through difficult places to see His handiwork.

Is God directing you somewhere as we begin a new year? Take a moment today to be still before Him and listen to His voice as He directs you to how you should be…just living the thing.

It’s not often that I hear a song and play it on repeat, but recently I found a song worthy of repeating. Have you ever heard “Once and For All” by Lauren Daigle? The chorus has struck a chord with me, specifically the following lines:

“Be lifted high as my kingdom fall
Once and for all, once and for all.“

It’s easy to live under the illusion that I am in control of my life. I make plans to reach a certain goal, then I begin the process of executing a strategy by which I will successfully reach those goals; and the strategy is my favorite part!  Success by definition means that I have made it from point A to point B effectively achieving my stated goals in a timely and organized manner.

It is pretty frustrating, and sometimes devastating, when I cannot accomplish a goal. I think that if I try harder, push through, re-strategize, or argue better, THEN I will be successful in achieving whatever it is I’ve set out to do. But that does not always work in real life. And feeling like I’ve failed crushes my spirit and steals my joy. I hate that “f” word. In fact I don’t know what is worse, failing at accomplishing a goal, or not having goals to accomplish.

That phrase “Be lifted high as my kingdoms fall” rings true to my core because it reminds me that no matter how hard I try, how many successes I accumulate, how high I try to rise, my little kingdoms have to be under God’s kingship, not mine.

If God is King, then whether I am successful at something, or not, whether I am moving forward or waiting, it is under His jurisdiction and authority. So, with a lot of focus and intention, I’m working on trusting God. No matter what I want to succeed in (career, relationships, family), only He knows my future, so I need to want what He wants and trust that He knows best. I need to refocus on the King and not on my little…my very little… kingdom I try to create for myself.

That means I need to give up control. Yes, I flinched as I typed it. Honestly, I’m hoping that God doesn’t read this and decide to test my willingness to trust him, because there are a few things in my life that I LOVE and do not want to give up, or have Him take away. Ever!

But I am coming to a point where I have seen God be faithful enough times, that I am determined to trust him, to let my kingdoms fall out of my white-knuckled grip, and reach out to Him. Honestly, “reaching out” is a much more generous phrase for what I’m usually doing “flailing my arms around begging for help and love.” But it is a learning process, and I guess that’s what it means to keep on… just living the thing.

About 15 years ago, “The Jabez Prayer” seemed to be the new solution to life’s problems in Christian circles. Jabez was known in scripture for one prayer, and it became my mantra. In fact, I only needed to mention to friends I was praying the prayer of Jabez and their response was typically,

“Oh!  Well, that changes everything! Watch out for God’s activity! You will be blee-eesed! And your borders will be expaa-aanded for sure!”

My prayer consisted of: “Lord prosper me! Give me a large piece of property – spiritually speaking of course – that everyone may know that you are good to me and may my kingdom expanded for Your glory!”

Unfortunately I did not get the same response as Jabez. In fact, I’m not exactly sure Jabez and I were praying the same prayer.  Which made me wonder… what moved God to answer his prayer?

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve revisited 1 Chronicles 4:9 – 10 with fresh eyes. Rather than a prayer for prosperity, Jabez’ prayer seems more like a plea for more of a life than his apparent destiny dictated. This time I read,

“God, may the label of pain marking my entrance into this world not define me. Instead, bless me, and may your hand be with me. Keep me from harm. And if it pleases you, expand my sphere of influence for Your kingdom above and beyond the pain around me.” I Chronicles 4:9 – 10.

 He seemed to be sincerely petitioning for a re-defined life which was not marked or defined by the bane of his existence, (his name Jabez literally means pain), but recognized and made significant by the blessing of someone covered by and validated by God himself. He wanted God’s stamp on his life over and above the curse. This was the prayer request that God granted to Jabez.

I think God will always answer a sincere request for re-definition, and not just for a guy who made history with two verses in the Old Testament. This season of Advent and all it represents is our do-over, our chance to redefine desires, motives and values.

The Apostle Peter reminds us,

“…knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ…” 1 Peter 1:18-19

I’ve decided to now pray the intended Prayer of Jabez. I’m choosing not to schlepp last year’s mistakes into the unmarked territory of a new year. As I cross the threshold on January 1st, I am asking for a clearer understanding of the redemption I already possess. My prayer is that I will view my life from God’s perspective rather than the labels of my humanity.

I think Jabez would agree with that prayer…just living the thing.

I’m soooooooo glad it’s Christmas!

No, I’m not crazy, or on mind-altering medication, and yes, LED lights still trigger an inexplicable hate response in me, but I’m thinking of getting help for that.

No matter where I am, no matter the good or bad in my circumstances, that calendar turns over to December 1st,  and a little bud of excitement begins to bloom again way down deep in the heart of the ‘real me’.   It blossoms repeatedly because of an unshakeable truth that is unreachable and untouchable by any stress, pressure, or disappointments of Christmas ‘want-to-dos’, ‘have-to-dos’, or ‘wish-I-hads’!

God loves me… perfectly, and unconditionally.

I often imagine Jesus standing on the edge of eternity and time; all-powerful, majestic, clothed in the fullness of being Almighty God, armies of angels at His command, myriads worshipping Him continuously, not needing anything from any of us, but knowing we needed everything from Him.  Our rebellion had lost us all that relationship with God was meant to be, except His perfect, unconditional love.

He knew.  Standing there in heaven’s dimension He knew exactly what His love for us would cost Him to pay the set penalty for our sin and make a way for us to get right with God and with each other.  He knew the suffering, shame, and humiliation He would endure from the same people He came to save, the continual and current rejection of His love, the prideful arrogance, the spectacular failures, even from those who believe and accept Him…yes… been there, done that.   He knew!  Yet still He came.

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!

“But God – so rich is He in His mercy! Because of and in order to satisfy the GREAT AND WONDERFUL AND INTENSE LOVE with which He loved us, even when we were dead, slain by our own shortcomings and trespasses, He made us alive together in fellowship and in union with Christ; He gave us the very life of Christ Himself, the same new life with which He quickened Him, for it is by grace; His favor and mercy which you did not deserve that you are saved, delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation.” Ephesians 2:4-5 Amplified Bible.  (caps mine)

This year our Christmas tree is decorated all in white and gold.  However, I insisted on placing a single red heart, right in the middle, to acknowledge and celebrate this great, wonderful, and intense love that moved Him to make that step from heaven’s indescribable glory, right into the middle of our hot mess.

One day (soon?), He is going to do it again!

“Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse.  And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True…And the armies of heaven, clothed in linen, white and clean, followed Him on white horses…And He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written:

KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.”  Revelation 19:1-16 New King James Version

Even so, come Lord Jesus!  Till then, … just living the thing!

I was trying to think of what to write about and talked with my friend Sharon who said,

“What is God working on in your life right now? Write about that.”

Great idea! But inside I thought, “Are you crazy?” That’s not beautiful, that’s broken. However if I only write about what I think God has completed in me, I would run out of material very quickly.

So I got to thinking, what is God working on?

I’ve been in this place lately where I feel like I’m coasting and He isn’t working on anything. Could there be a time when God isn’t working on me because I have not been in close enough communion with Him to know or even care? Not a chance! For that would mean God needs my permission to be working in my life; see how crazy that sounds?

Thankfully, the validation of my relationship with God isn’t from me.  It’s from Him. Why then do I feel that I am in this place void of communion just waiting for something to happen?

I think it’s an issue of a pure heart; an undivided, undistracted, and single-minded heart.

“Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? And who shall stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to what is false and does not swear deceitfully.” Psalm 24:3-4

A pure heart is what we give back to the Lord through obedience and our relationship with him. Although purity of heart isn’t something I can reach on my own, I can’t just sit back and expect it to happen.

“Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands you sinners, and purify your hearts you double-minded. James 4:8

According to James having a pure heart takes action on my part. I don’t want to be double-minded, and yet I find myself allowing distraction after distraction to fog my vision of God. The list is long; work, busyness, sin, cancer, football, and on and on.

What if I was as excited about God on a daily basis as I am about the Green Bay Packers?

Did you SEE that Thursday night game? What a finish! I told anyone willing to listen about Rodger’s Hail Mary pass. When was the last time I whooped and hollered about Jesus or told anyone willing to listen about my love for the Lord? My singlemindedness has been misplaced.

This Christmas season is the perfect time to refocus my heart on my relationship with God, taking my clean heart and ask God to make it pure.

The sign in front of my house tells the world what we believe.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son…”  John 3:16

I want my sincere faith and purity of heart to tell people this everyday as my love for the Lord is evident in my daily walk as I’m…just living the thing.

I love roller coasters; the adrenaline, the twists and turns, the clink, clink, clink, as you are pulled higher and higher only to reach the summit and plummet back down in a nanosecond! This is fun to me.

My sister on the other hand would prefer to keep her feet on the ground. When I was 12, we went to a carnival and I begged and pleaded with her to go on the Zipper with me. You know the one. You are locked in to this metal cage and then zipped around an oblong shaped track while the cage does 360° turns.

My begging finally wore her down and she relented, reluctantly climbing into the metal cage with me.  It only took a moment for my sister to panic, holding on for dear life, and  screaming bloody murder as if she were about to die. Seeing the sheer terror on her face, I started screaming for the operator to stop the ride and let us out. That was NOT a fun experience!

Sometimes it feels as if this is the way we walk through life; using action phrases like white-knuckling it, holding on for dear life, and hanging on by a thread.  We always have to be doing something. If you aren’t white-knuckling it, you’re not trying hard enough.  If you don’t hold on, something tragic might happen. So, we have to do something, even if we’re completely exhausted, barely hanging on by a thread, and at the end of our strength and endurance. On the other hand when we are being held, it’s a totally different feeling.

When my first child was born I remember wrapping him up in my arms and just holding him. He was not required to do a thing but be held. He did not leave my side for the first 24 hours, as I snuggled close and just held him. He was safe, he was secure, and he was at peace.

One of my favorite Casting Crowns song says,

“You’re not alone, stop holding on, and just be held.”

If I could just let go. If only I could just be.

Sometimes life goes so fast we feel that we need to hang on or we will be swept away. But that is not how God intended us to live. He wants to hold us, to make us feel safe, secure, and at peace. We don’t have to hold on, but rather let go. God wants to take our burdens, cares, and concerns.  He wants to hold us in His arms and,

“…hide us in the shadow of His wings.” Psalm 17:8.

“Father God, I am so concerned with what is going on all around me that I get caught up and find myself holding on out of fear, worry, and my need for control. I want to give everything to you with palms uplifted. Would you take them? Teach me how to let myself be held as I am …just living the thing.”

I got overwhelmed this afternoon. I was sitting at my desk thinking about my plans for the upcoming weekend, and as one who suffers from “planner-itis” I started listing all the things I needed to do.  Mayday!

Please know that I originally listed all the things I had to do so you would be overwhelmed with me, for camaraderie’s sake, but then I thought you might appreciate it more if I didn’t. Trust me, this weekend and next week are going to be busy.

Normally, I love being busy, but the holiday kind of busy is different. It means as an adult I must participate in the crafting, cooking, cleaning and prep work. Not my kind of busy. I want to be busy because I’m traveling from party to party.  Do you feel me?

I get stressed quickly with things that make me feel inadequate. For instance, I love cooking for myself, but to prepare something that real people will have to eat, um, no way. And who enjoys the pressure of picking out the perfect gift that conveys every sentiment you feel for every person you know?

But we have reached THAT season. And although I am tempted to say we are in the busy hustle and bustle of the holidays, I prefer to acknowledge that this is a time we get to corporately give thanks. I am oddly reminded of this story:

Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”

When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.

One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. ¹⁶ He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.

Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”  Luke 17:11-17

I could never understand how men whose lives were changed forever,… FOREVER, didn’t return to thank the One that gave them a new beginning, a chance at fulfillment, a chance to live with dignity.  However, I am convicted at how easily and often my knees fall to the ground begging God with tearful prayers for something or the other. But it is not as often that they fall to the ground with gratitude or thankfulness for how he answered that prayer. Ouch!

I don’t want to be one of those nine men.  I want to be that one that came back and acknowledged God’s grace and kindness. During this season, I am reminded that just living the thing is seen in the beauty of a thankful heart.

After almost thirty years of scrimping and saving to introduce my Italian husband to his homeland, we determined this would be the year for our pilgrimage. In preparation, my daughter attempted to teach me simple Italian phrases so I would not embarrass the family with the conglomeration of words and phrases I picked up in high school Cultural Studies.

A week before our launch into all things Italian, she handed me a cup of coffee followed by, “What do you say?”

“Danke! Bien! De nada! Merci!”

She gave me that authoritative look that said: “You know better than that”, which of course forced me to actually engage my brain to come up with the correct response, “Grazie!”

Generally I function on autopilot; flying by pre-programmed information my brain has picked up here and there. I know enough Spanish and French to be dangerous if questioned by any border patrols. I call my Bible “Biblioteca” which actually means library. I like German words like schnitzel and strudel and “Nein!”, which from me means, “Hands off my pastry!”

For the last three decades I’ve heard my in-laws’ thick Italian accents, with vowels added to ends of words, yet I know nothing of the true language of Italy. Legitimate words and their meanings hold no fluent place in my head. So I’m forced to resort to doggedly determined practice.

I’m not sure where I got the idea that anything worth knowing or doing will come to me naturally, but it takes hard work to think differently.  Truth be told, I think I value the easy over the good I can obtain by working hard at something. And if I must work at it, I want to do it my way, on my terms. Like picking up random slang and nonsensical words without committing to learn the actual language of the culture. The hardest thing for me to do is immerse myself completely and intentionally in the discipline of learning.

It’s that way with God, too. I think pursuing Him should be the easiest part of my day when it is often the hardest. Not unpleasant, but hard, like the musician who must rehearse over and over to get it right.  Naturally I want Him to come and bestow all goodness upon me without any effort on my part.  Or, I get so tired from the things I’m doing FOR Him, I’m too lazy to actually learn FROM Him.

Romans. 12:1-2 says that offering myself to God is a sacrifice. It isn’t passive or lazy, and it certainly won’t happen on autopilot. It’s active and engaging requiring me to participate by presenting myself to Him in full surrender. Engaging with Him means I leave the piecemeal fabric of my brain behind and purposefully weave it with truth.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

…just living the thing.