Sometimes I take the Lord for granted. I’ve been in church almost every Sunday since my mother became a Christian when I was in the first grade. But, church attendance does not inoculate us from seasons of dryness where we take our faith for granted. We can become focused on things we are doing and not take a step back to see what God is doing. I believe I am coming out of a little dry spell.

I started a new job this year, and the transition was a little overwhelming. I tried to juggle everything, but dropped many ‘balls’ in the process. I’ve been so focused on the juggling that I have neglected some of the things that are most important. My time with the Lord has been lacking when I have needed it the most. Oh, I know all the right answers, but still I get wrapped up so quickly in other pressing things that by the end of the day I realize I have not spent my regular time alone with God.

Unfortunately, because of this I have missed many of the things that He has been doing around me. In my experience I have found that when I am consistently in His Word, walking and talking with Him daily, hourly, I can see His activity all around me. Things have finally slowed down some and as I am getting my routine back, my eyes have been opened again to God’s handiwork in the people around me.  It is a truly blessed experience.

God is at work! He is working in the ministry I have the honor to be a part of. He is working in the lives of the women I do life with in recovery. He is working in my personal life and the lives of my friends and family. I could go on and on. God is at work whether I see Him or not. I would just rather to be able to see Him at work and not miss it because I am not paying attention.

I have been going through the Psalms and it is a very encouraging and peace-giving book. Sometimes the Psalmist was in despair and cried out to the Lord. I wonder was he in despair because he had not been seeking the Lord? By the end of the Psalm though, he is praising.

When the Lord brought back the captive ones of Zion, we were like those who dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter and our tongue with joyful shouting; then they said among the nations, “The Lord had done great things for them.” The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad. Psalm 126:1-3

I guess that is where I am. After experiencing a dry spell, I am drinking from the stream of living water again; my thirst is quenched. I am experiencing the joy of the Lord the way He intends me to experience it as I am …just living the thing.

I feel dried up. I’m wiped out. I haven’t had a day off in weeks.  I’ve been working some overtime at work, someone needs help on a Saturday, I need to see my family, and Sunday, the only “free” day, I am participating in a conference…

…the list goes on and on and I am tired. Even as I sit here, I want to scream a little and cry a little because as an introvert I need time alone to rejuvenate and I have not been able to find any space in my schedule for that restorative rest. So my body, my soul, and mind are exhausted.

Didn’t God give us an example? Doesn’t the first book of our Bible start out with “… so the seventh day He rested from all his work”? I mean, even God rests, because it is good.

I remember being in this place before. I was in college, studying, performing, volunteering with a youth ministry, mentoring, etc. and I was burned out. I remember attending a youth camp as a counselor at that time and having devotions in the morning. It was quiet outdoors and I was at a table in the forest, the weather was comfortable, and I read what Jesus said to his disciples:

“Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” “ (Mark 6:31)

I CRAVED reading that. For some reason the passage gave me peace; it gave me permission to rest. Unlike the Energizer bunny we aren’t supposed to keep going, going, going; we need a break. We need rest. We have to be refreshed. And I loved that within that verse, it showed that Jesus, as a leader, cared about those who were following him. He made sure to give them a break and because he instructed it, they didn’t have to feel guilty about asking to press pause.

So I write this as someone who is really burned out this weekend urging that if you are a leader or a parent or a boss, look out for those under you and take care of them. Make sure you are allowing rest and peace. If you are like me, maybe it’s time to learn the word “no”. I mean, it was one of those first words we learned as a baby, but for some reason as an adult it is harder to remember.

However, to maintain joy, to be refreshed, sometimes we are going to need to say “no” when people ask us to do extra things. It’s especially hard to say “no” when you enjoy helping people. But give yourself some rest, say “no” to a few things now, so that you can do other things in your future with your whole, refreshed, heart. And today, this is what it truly looks like for me …just living the thing.

For some of us that means tell yourself the truth. Don’t listen to the lies that are inside your head. Don’t believe the lies that were told to you as a child. You know they are not true, but for some reason they keep haunting you.

Sometimes, telling yourself the truth is painful. To honestly look at the choices you’ve made or what has been done to you is difficult. You might wonder why you do the things you do. Is it because of some unspoken lie you believe in your head? Ask yourself, “Who do YOU think you are?’ Then tell yourself the truth. You are precious. You are holy if you have submitted to Jesus. You are a child of God. You are redeemed. You are in-process.

Keep in mind, the truth is a beautiful thing. It is freedom: freedom from shame, from secrets, from fear.

For some of us it means to tell others the truth. Chances are, they already know! Yet, we need to say it out loud. We need to admit the things we have done. We need to own our choices! Maybe we need to sit in the truth of our choices for a minute.

We need to learn from our choices. The good choices, we need to repeat. The bad choices, we need to run from. How did we get there? What can we do to make sure we don’t repeat those bad choices again. The truth is we need to admit what we have done and ask forgiveness whenever we have hurt someone.

Jesus says, “I tell you the truth,” more than 30 times in the book of John. Do you want to know the truth? Do you want to live in the truth? Go to Jesus! Ask him. He will tell you the truth. He speaks it in His Word. He speaks it to our hearts. He is trustworthy! He will not be cruel or brutal. He will always be a gentleman when He speaks to you. But understand, He won’t sugarcoat the truth either.

Be prepared. The truth is not easy. Sometimes we have to face some ugly things about ourselves. Sometimes it is not fair. This world is not fair, but He is.

The truth is that life is hard, but God is good.

Not only do we need to speak the truth to ourselves and to others, but we need to speak it in love. Don’t be like that bitter relative at the annual family gathering who claims,

“I’m just truth telling!”

Speak the truth in love. Speak to yourself in an honest but loving manner. Speak to others in an honest and loving manner.

Life is short. There is not time to be wasted on dishonesty. Tell the people in your life that are precious to you that you love them. Tell the friends that you have who much you value them.

Let’s all tell the truth as we all are …just living the thing.

Angst.  Restlessness. Despondency.  These feelings find me awake and heading to the grocery store at o’dark o’clock on a Sunday morning.  Well that, and the fact that WinCo will be so empty I can browse as slowly as I want, and hear myself think.

It was a serious miscalculation on my part to watch news programs all week, when all I really wanted to do was to track the impact of hurricane Matthew.  By week’s end I was in despair.  Add to that my awareness of the difficult times, pain, and heartache being experienced by so many friends and family members, and I have to admit I was beginning to understand why so many choose escapism; alcohol, legal and illegal drugs, ladder-climbing, mind-numbing entertainment…, religion?

Instinctively, I felt the need to “have a little talk with Jesus”, but never being one to choose an easy lie over the tough truth, I had to consider, was this just another way to escape?  Some people presume that Christianity is just another way to escape the harsh realities of this world; that Karl Marx was right when he wrote in his Communist Manifesto of 1848 that (all) “Religion is the opiate of the people.”

You’d be amazed at the conundrums one can work through while walking practically empty aisles at WinCo which is how I settled that Marx was right AND wrong.  If my ‘religion’ consists only of the ‘spiritual rituals’ of church attendance, singing, reading the Bible, and so on, it may be true that all I’m doing is numbing myself, choosing escape, denial, and the proverbial “pie in the sky when I die” over life in the trenches of human frailty and failure.

I’m a Christian because I have made an informed decision to believe that God, the Self-existent One, inspired 40 people over 1600 years to write and compile 66 books that reveal truth without contradiction, and with continual scientific and archaeological discoveries, supersedes every challenge to its accuracy. And if you don’t think that’s impressive, try getting the same story from two different people who saw the same accident three minutes ago.

In His book How Now Shall We Live, Chuck Colson writes:

“We must show the world that Christianity is more than a private belief, more than personal salvation.  We must show that it is a comprehensive life system that answers all of humanity’s age-old questions:  Where did I come from?  Why am I here?  Where am I going?  Does life have any meaning and purpose?…”

“Why are you cast down, O my inner self?  And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me?  Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my countenance, and my God.”  Psalm 42:11 Amplified Bible

My ‘religion’ is not a mind-numbing drug, it is an ever-evolving relationship with the Self-existent One that has me leaving WinCo with hope and confidence, back into the trenches …just living the thing.

Sometimes the simplest question can plant the most fruitful seed.

After some years of having to work on Thursdays I am finally able to attend Bible study again. To say I’ve missed it would be an understatement. Sitting around a table, discussing the word of God with a group of ladies, is such a joy and a privilege.

We have a lady in our group whom I’ll call “Julie”. She is a young mother, new to the Word of God and is looking for answers. She showed up late one morning apologizing for not having done her homework. A little embarrassed, she said she didn’t want to interrupt our discussion but needed help understanding something.

“What does it mean when it says God’s Word is living and active?”

In our study there are some questions that we tend to answer briefly because it is something we’ve heard for so long that we know we won’t need to spend much time there. Usually it’s the follow up questions that will stimulate the discussion.

However, Julie, who until our first week had never even owned a Bible, didn’t need a quick, shallow, answer. She needed to know how something written could possibly be “alive and active”.  She needed to understand the nature of this treasure she held in her hands.

Our current discussion was forgotten as we all gave our attention to explaining this one truth which seemed so simple, yet was so weighty. I wish you could have seen this group of women, who two weeks before were basically strangers, as they came together with such love and wisdom to help Julie grasp something she did not comprehend.

As a substitute co-leader I can tend to talk quite a bit, but I was happy to sit quietly and watch Julie as understanding dawned. It was wonderful!

Someone took her to the scripture referenced in our book:

“The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of our God remains forever.” Isaiah 40:8

 She explained that if the Word ‘remains’ it can’t be dead, it must be alive.

“So My word that comes from My mouth will not return to Me empty, but it will accomplish what I please and will achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:11

 God’s Word is always doing something. Isaiah tells us that His word is like and rain and snow, causing growth and bringing forth life.

Another told Julie how God’s Word brings about salvation and restoration; that it is life.  Deuteronomy 32:47

The rest of our time was centered on the Word of God being living and active, and the seed that was planted…was in me.

I hope a seed was also planted in Julie, but I received a gift that day. I needed to be reminded of the sweetness of the Word of God; of the life-giving truth God’s word contains, and how it feeds my soul, to see the living and active in every verse I read…just living the thing.

After a five and a half year period of separation, I received my divorce papers in the mail a couple of weeks ago. Some I’ve shared this with have said, “Wow, it’s been that long?” Others have said, “Seems like it has been so long.” In my opinion, it has been just the right amount of time.

Marriage should not be entered in to lightly, and the same holds true for divorce. It is not something you rush into. I did not rush in to it. I credit good, sound advice from trusted godly advisors and counselors for taking things slow. From the very beginning of my separation I sought out people who would walk this journey with me, keep me grounded in Christ, correct me, encourage me, and guide me. I found just that, and I am forever grateful for my circle of friends.

It was not an easy road. I had people left and right telling me what they thought I should do and not do. There were certainly moments of confusion, second guessing, worrying about what others would think of me, what I thought of myself and how my decisions would affect my family.

Growing up in the church, the concern about what others would think of me was a huge one. Would some think I didn’t try hard enough to make it work? Would I be considered unfit to continue ministry? If I did divorce would people judge me for my decision? Traditionally, I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me and think well of me. Part of this process over the last few years has been to focus less on what others thought of me and more on how God saw me. His Word says:

“For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

“For they loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God.” John 12:43

It took me a long time to overcome this hurdle and allow myself to make decisions based on just God and me, not God, me, and other people’s opinions. In the church we can be loving, caring, compassionate and encouraging. We can also be judgmental, critical, unforgiving and unkind. Sadly, I have been the latter more than I’d care to admit. When we operate out of a heart of legalistic thoughts and feelings we hurt people. I have been hurt and I have hurt as well.

I hope that my experience has taught me that there is no one right formula to walk through the break-up of a marriage. I cannot judge someone else’s process because it is not just like mine. I can encourage, lend a listening ear, a word of advice, correction if needed (iron sharpening iron,) and a whole lot of encouragement and compassion as we are …just living the thing.

Sometimes I feel like a phony without valuable or authentic contribution when I sit down to write. But my heart’s desire is to point people back to Jesus for truth, and what better way to do that than to use God’s own words?! So I’ll share something that stood out to me this past week in my morning quiet time.

 “Now the Israelites were in distress that day, because Saul (the king) had bound the people under an oath, saying, ‘Cursed be anyone who eats food before evening comes, before I have avenged myself on my enemies!’ So none of the troops tasted food.” 1 Samuel 14:24

King Saul hurt his own people because he was so blindly self-focused. Nobody was going to be happy until he felt vindicated! His son Jonathan was a different kind of leader.  He looked around and seeing the damage and said:

 “My father has made trouble for the country. See how my eyes brightened when I tasted a little of this honey. How much better it would have been if the men had eaten today some of the plunder they took from their enemies.“ 1 Samuel 14:29-30a

Saul felt angry and defeated, so nobody would be happy until he was happy. His ego put his own goals and pursuits ahead of the best interests of his people. His leadership style was… lacking. Even his own son saw that the people needed to eat. But Saul was consumed by his own inner turmoil.

Perhaps his selfishness stemmed from insecurity, or maybe he was dealing with anger, or maybe he never felt good enough so he developed an all-or-nothing mentality.  However it happened, he was self-centered and thoughtless of others. The people who depended on him for security suffered unnecessarily until he was satisfied.

Sometimes we can be so self-focused, blinders on, and fixated only on what is in front of us, that we don’t look back to see the trail of hurt and devastation we’ve left behind pursuing our own goals or dreams.  Are we more interested in self-promotion than we are in investing in the growth and advancement of people around us? Can a parent be so wrapped up in the comparison game, they forget about the person they are actually supposed to be parenting? Can the captain of baseball team get so wrapped up in his own stats that he forgets about the team work it takes to make the TEAM to win? Do we forget that when the team wins, WE win?

Jesus taught that we would experience more satisfaction if we cared less about ourselves, and more about the welfare of others.

“Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being.” I Corinthians 10:24

At some point, we will all need someone’s help, but who will be left if we’ve trampled over everyone else’s needs in our determination to satisfy our own desires, no matter who gets hurt? These are my wonderings today as I’m …just living the thing.

Everyone has their “it”; that thing lodged in the heart waiting for a chance to surface and take the place of Jesus. It can lay dormant for long periods of time, just waiting to take us captive for a moment, a day, or even longer when we least expect it.

I used to have many “its”. Approval, spouse, career, notoriety, children, wealth, and before this week, I thought I had been successful about surrendering “it” and all his cousins. However, when “it” popped up this time, I thought it was a bona fide good thing.

God gives me what I want so often, I mistakenly assume He will give me everything I want, especially if It is a “deep desire”. So when the answer to the thing I’ve been wanting and praying about for years turned into a definite “No”, I was confused and, frankly, hurt. In fact, I had a meltdown of sorts. It took several days to pry white knuckles off my entitlement to happiness. Or at least my understanding of what happiness should look like.

Like being under the spell of a first crush, old thoughts consumed me; other people get what they want… I deserve to be happy too… Something this good must be from God!

Yet a small voice underneath the infatuation seemed to be asking me a question:

Whom do you love?

Offended at the implication, I immediately reacted:

“Of course I love you God! Why don’t you know that by now?”

 The question persisted and nagged my soul until I had to admit the truth: the thing had captured my heart. I loved “it”.

That’s when I knew I couldn’t have it. Not because God didn’t want me to have good things, but because I couldn’t embrace something powerful enough to take first place in my soul.

As I released all “it” represented (joy, fulfillment, contentment, family), I realized all those things can only be found in my relationship with Jesus. Not in a place. Not a dream. Not a longing.

I can relate a little to Jacob when he came away from a wrestling match with God with a bum hip. Yet truly, if you think about it, a limp is a small price to pay for freedom.

Because as much as I wanted “it”, I still want Him more.

“Little children, guard yourselves from idols” John 5:21

 …just living the thing.

My son called it “Christian Coachella” (rude!), but it’s actually JoshuaFest, which happens every year over the Labor Day weekend in Quincy, California.  Four days of exceptional to not-so-great music from up-and-coming Christian artists, as well as some of the more established names in the industry.

My friend Lisa was having have a milestone birthday in 2016, so we began planning this trip back in December 2015 when hugely discounted tickets went on sale.  No camping for me!  But we found an inexpensive, comfortable, and clean motel not far from the venue.

Two days before D-(Departure) Day after sending yet another informational email to group (don’t judge!), it dawned on me that I had not once talked to God about this trip.

Not, “Lord, keep us safe on our journey up and back; add meaning and Your purpose to this trip; reveal Yourself through the music and in our interactions with people…”  Nothing!  Not one prayer!  Feeling a little ashamed, I began praying for our trip, and that’s exactly when everything fell apart!

One friend deployed with a Disaster Medical Assistance Team to help the flood victims in Louisiana, made it back in sufficient time to still go with us, but then got really sick, and was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.  She was supposed to be our driver but it was clear she just needed to stay home.

Another had something come up and would need to leave a day early, and I was just tired after a crazy busy week at work and did not want to drive.  So, in addition to the new logistical and financial challenges, every carefully orchestrated plan appeared to be falling apart, AFTER I prayed, “Lord, Thy will be done”.

Ugly things I learned are still inside me:

1. Sometimes when I pray, “Thy will be done,” I really mean, “my will be done”.
2. I still do not handle disappointment as promptly, or as well as I should.
3. As much as I know and believe God, I still have a tendency to default to “CRAZY” when He interrupts my plans, saying stupid things like, “See God, this is one reason You have trouble ‘winning friends and influencing people!’”

Good things I learned are now in my DNA:

1. I dial it back from “CRAZY” to repentance at lightning speed, especially when I recall Who exactly I am mouthing off to; the source of every breath I breathe.
2. I treasure the good people God has put in my life who will help walk me back from every ‘ledge of failure, disappointment or lunacy’ whenever necessary.
3. God’s truth trumps my circumstances or feelings, …every time!

“He is the Rock, His work is perfect, for all His ways are law and justice.  A God of faithfulness, without breach or deviation, just and right is He.”  Deuteronomy 32:4 AMP

So off we went to JoshuaFest/‘Christian Coachella’, and in my next blog I’ll catch you up with how it goes as I’m …just living the thing.

What do you see when you look at me? Do you see a responsible, committed, intelligent, half-way put together, follower of Jesus Christ?  I hope so, but that is only half of me. What you may not see is an often fearful, sometimes insecure, controlling, critical, judgmental woman, who also struggles with co-dependency.

The last six years, through a series of difficult circumstances, God has refined me, and healed me. He has called me to follow Him more and more as I listen and strive to obey. Through these trials I have come to see His hand ever so gently guiding me to be the woman He wants me to be.

In the last three years I believe He has called me to work with women. I went back to school, finished my degree and dove into a midlife career change. Oh, the joy it has brought! I love being able to walk with women along their journey through difficult circumstances toward healing and restoration. I appreciate hearing their stories and am blessed when they listen to mine.

It is an honor and a privilege to be allowed into someone else’s experience, and when I look back at the road it took to get me to this place, I don’t look with regret, I embrace it with gratitude.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

This week I was brought to tears as I attended a Celebrate Recovery meeting at my church. I have been beyond blessed to work with several non-profit organizations in the city where I live. I have met many women along the way.  I have driven to meetings with some, cooked meals with others, and had the privilege of doing ministry with many of them.  We have cleaned houses, played games, laughed, and cried together.

On this particular night I saw women from many of those different ministries under the same roof. Most of them did not know each other. Many were receiving help from a variety of different organizations, but all of them were there for healing and restoration. It was like all my different worlds converged in this place of healing, where women shared their experiences, strength and hope. Shackles broken. Freedom found.

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial. Because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

My prayer for them continues to be that through their difficult circumstances they will find the same thing I found in mine; the joy of the Lord!

I’m a blessed woman. I am so grateful, hopeful, and overflowing with joy. I love to see the change in me and in the women around me as together we are …just living the thing.