The woman sitting next to me at the table looked as if she had come to our little circle straight from a photo shoot for the cover of next month’s edition of Vogue; every hair perfectly colored and coiffed, professionally manicured nails, flawless, picture perfect make-up, and glaringly expensive clothing that screamed, “Death to Nordstrom Rack!”  So, you can imagine my surprise when Miss Perfect over there was first to volunteer to share her present-day experience of our designated Bible verses:

 “I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry.  He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock and established my steps.  He has put a new song in my mouth – praise to our God; many will see it and fear and will trust in the Lord.”  Psalm 40:1-3

 “Seriously?!  What in the world kind of pit or miry clay could Designer Clothes Debutante possibly have been delivered from?”  My evil, wicked, unredeemable, condemned-to-death, old nature almost snarled, but not out loud of course; the hypocrite in me was way too spiritual for that.

Unaware, she bravely told her tale of years of childhood sexual, emotional, and verbal abuse, which relentlessly pursued her into teenage years and adulthood till she felt hopelessly trapped in a pit of drugs, prostitution and violence; bogged down in a miry clay of unending pain.  Tears shimmered in every eye, and some rolled down faces as she described the kindness and love of Jesus that poured out from the life of one ordinary person ‘just living the thing’, which rescued her, enveloped her in the perfect, unconditional love of God, and set her feet on the road to abundant, eternal life.  Surely, the woman had earned the right to dress like a princess every day for the rest of her life!

 Burning shame poured over my meanness like weed-killer from Home Depot, making my old nature curl up and die… again… and I was glad!

 “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature; sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”  Colossians 3:5  (emphasis mine)

 “For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin.”  Romans 6:6

 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”  II Corinthians 5:17

 The strongest evidence of who is winning the on-going war between my old nature and the new creation in me that thinks and acts like Jesus, are the words that flow out of my heart, on to my tongue and come pouring out of my mouth unchecked.  And, I am absolutely appalled that even when I consistently and purposefully choose to starve my old nature to death, it almost miraculously finds new life and vigor whenever there is an opportunity to judge, or slap labels on other people.  Uncontrolled, the poisonous comments come out deceptively clothed in garments of pharisaical self-righteousness and pseudo-concern, accessorized with earnest, humor or sarcasm.  Aaaaaaaaaargh!

Thanks be to God for Miss Perfect (I never learned her name), for some among my present company of friends who have been kind enough to educate me about their first impression of me, and others who still love me in spite of now knowing the ridiculous labels I had placed on them before I knew any better…ahem…Cheri…ahem.  Hard lessons learned, bitter pills swallowed, and having to eat way too much crow have made me ruthless when it comes to putting the beat down on my old nature’s inclination to unequivocally judge and label people, and considerably more inclined to forgive when I am on the receiving end.

Some years ago I successfully tested and installed what I call my “Crazy Filter”; an intangible ‘device’ implanted in my mind whose sole purpose is to capture and diffuse those irrational, spiteful, baggage-induced thoughts and feelings about people before they can be formed into words and sentences, and come spewing out of my mouth.  Its components are wisdom, truth, discipline and the love that God consistently pours out on me, even when I am at my worst.

 “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly love, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”  Colossians 3:12-13

 Whenever the filter works, I am amazed at the good people I come to know well, to partner with on this narrow road that leads to life, and will treasure for eternity.  And as for the judgment or labels that still manage to slip through the filter, they are immediately classified as ‘subject to change’ and stamped in big, bold letters ‘take no action: investigation pending’.  Unfortunately, it is also true that with the filter in place it may take a little longer to distinguish the weeds among the wheat, but the benefits far outweigh the risk.  Besides, God always has my back, and the power to use even that which was meant for evil, and turn it around for good and my benefit.  Booyah!  Win-win baby!

 So here’s the thing, God purposefully places very high value on unity among all those who claim to be followers of Jesus Christ; The Way, The Truth and The Life, so much so that it was the subject of one of His last recorded prayers before making the ultimate sacrifice on the cross for all our sin:

“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.  And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one:  I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.”   John 17:20-23

Judging and labeling people is the biggest obstacle to unity among believers in Jesus.  It is absolutely necessary, but never easy, to recognize, acknowledge and repent of the self-righteousness, arrogance and pride that perpetually builds and maintains the walls between us – and our enemy knows it.   Just imagine what a formidable force we would be as the people of God against the kingdom of darkness, if the spiritual weapons of our warfare were constantly aimed at the real enemy of our souls, instead of each other.

Absolutely necessary…never easy.  But it is for His glory…to further His kingdom…to fulfill His purpose…we set our face like a flint…determined…against all odds…to keep on…steadfastly…just living the thing.

It is indeed an extraordinary experience to be arrested by an idea; to be stopped dead in your tracks, captivated by a truth that slaps handcuffs on your mind, restricting the movement of your thoughts to any other subject, and temporarily confines you to a moment on the time-space continuum where your life changes direction, sometimes without you even being fully aware of what just happened.

“He could be the one.”  “She completes me.”  “We were meant to be.” “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.”  If your reaction to that last sentence was some variation of, “Hold up! Wait a minute!  Whaaaaaa…t?!”, then welcome to my first arrest.

I was in my early teens, minding my own business, and reading through the book of Job and there it was; Job13:15!  In all my thirteen years of going to church almost every Sunday, I could not recall ever having read that before.  Who says that?!  How does an ordinary human being ever get to such a place in their relationship with God that they would say of Him, “No matter what happens, no matter what He allows to come to my life, even if He chooses to ‘kill me dead’ (classic Jamaican), “yet will I trust Him”?

You have to wonder if Isaac felt that same level of trust as he lay tied-up on that make-shift altar on Mount Moriah with his father Abraham over him, knife raised, about to sacrifice his only son in a life-altering test of faith (Genesis 22:1-19).  Or was Isaac terrified and screaming bloody murder, hoping the servants would hear and come rescue him from his crazy daddy?!  Either way, there is every indication that Isaac remained devoted to his father and to God even after that episode, possibly because he too saw the lamb that appeared miraculously to take his place and heard the voice out of heaven say,

“‘By Myself I have sworn,’ says the Lord, ‘because you have done this thing, and have not withheld your son, your only son – I will indeed bless you, and I will make your offspring as numerous as the stars of heaven and as the sand that is on the seashore.  And your offspring shall possess the gate of their enemies, and by your offspring shall all the nations of the earth gain blessing for themselves, because you have obeyed my voice.’” Genesis 22:15-18 (emphasis mine)

 To this day, I remain captivated by the ideal of having such a relationship with God that I do trust Him, no matter what, and will always choose to do what He says is the next right thing to do, never giving in to fear.  There is nothing blind about that kind of faith which commits to relationship with God knowing that you may find yourself in terrifying situations, but He will never abandon you, and if you are willing to stay the course, you are guaranteed to experience the unequalled thrill of fulfilling the plan and purpose for which you were placed on this planet.

Which brings me to my second arrest…

“For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation…”  Acts 13:36

 How does an ordinary human being ever get to such a place in their relationship with God that, in the midst of planning for college, career, family, life insurance, 401k, retirement and all such sensible and legitimate things, they deliberately choose to put  ‘serve the purpose of God in my generation’ as the primary, predominant and preeminent plan?

I may be in the middle of living that thing (see February 25th blog, ‘Not Disjecta Membra’), but recently I have been more captivated by the life stories of George Müeller, Dwight L. Moody, Jim and Elisabeth Elliot, William Carey, Mother Teresa, and Jim Cymbala, all of whom, at some point in their lives, deliberately decided to choose God’s revealed plan for their lives over their own, often perfectly legitimate, stable, comfortable plan.  God always has a plan, and the plan has always included meaningful work and purpose:

“And the Lord God formed man out of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being…  Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.”  Genesis 2:7,15

 “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are Your works; that I know very well.  My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In Your book were written off the days that were formed for me, when none of them yet existed.”  Psalm 139:14-16

 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations…for you shall go to all to whom I send you, and you shall speak whatever I command you.  Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you.”  Jeremiah 1:5-7

 “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.”  Jeremiah 29:11

We each only get one lifetime to invest, risking our resources of time, energy and assets based on our anticipation and expectation of what will happen in the future.  What if you knew for sure what the future holds and your part in it?  What if based on historical evidence you come to the conclusion that God is indeed powerfully orchestrating and guiding the world toward His planned and pre-determined end?

And, what if you read the back of the book and discover that in the end, the purpose and plan of God Almighty trumps every other plan?  Then wouldn’t it make perfect sense to sign up for the guaranteed plan now, before you life resources are all gone? Yes. Yes it would.

“ I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.”  Job 42:2

The kingdom of God is not a democracy.  Like it or not, it is an autocracy.  The Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent, Covenant-making, Covenant-keeping God rules over all, so if ever I am tempted to get all uppity, presumptuous and demanding, it behooves me to remember that I’m lucky He loves me unconditionally and permanently.  One third of the angels He created, including satan himself know for a fact that if you decide to fight against God, sooner or later you are going to lose…big time!  He is who He is and does not change Himself to be accommodating or tolerant of our sin or rebellion.

Which brings me to my latest arrest; a simple six-word prayer a gem in a treasure trove of truth that stopped me dead in my tracks and still has me under arrest.

“Come, holy God, and be Thyself.”  Believing God by Beth Moore, p. 200

 Just to keep it real; my prayers more often than not sound something like this:

“Come, holy God, and be whom I desire, expect, need, believe in my hopelessly self-seeking way, and sure hope you are. Amen!”

How does an ordinary human being ever get to such a place in their relationship with God that we would dare to utter such a humble, daring and spectacularly courageous prayer and mean it?  You don’t have to read very far into the Bible to come across aspects of God’s character that are overwhelming, awe-inspiring and sometimes downright frightening!  He is as much loving Father, faithful Provider and strong Defender, as He is disciplinarian, Judge and Executioner, and I don’t get to decide which role is necessary in my current situation.  Of course I would always pick the soft, cuddly side of Him that dispenses comfort and blessing like candy; which would eventually destroy me and any hope of a healthy, mature relationship with God.

So here’s the thing, God has His finger in every pie and His nose in everybody’s business and His highest priority always has been, and always will be, the state of our relationship with Him.  His primary course of action always has been and always will be to do whatever needs to be done to continually change the DNA of this relationship till we truly love Him for Himself, and not just for what He can do for us.  In His pursuit of that goal we may find ourselves captured by a particular truth designed to change the direction of our lives in order to change the nature of our relationship with Him, and the wisest course of action is not to resist arrest, but to surrender completely to …just living the thing.

It is interesting how much you can observe about the ‘morphology of waiting’ from the reception area of a busy doctors’ office, where it seems having to wait is almost inevitable because of the many unpredictable factors that impact how promptly you can see the doctor.  Eleven plus years working at a large family practice gave me a diploma-worthy education in the five stages people go through when they have to wait and how to recognize and break the cycle as quickly as possible.

 Expectation is the honeymoon stage of waiting, full of hope and promise.  Imaginations run wild with creativity and excitement as we contemplate a plethora of ways in which the thing we hope for will be realized.   Whether it is a Demerol shot to end days of debilitating pain from migraine, or finally walking down the aisle to marry the one of our dreams, expectation can make us giddy.  Call it the ecstasy of anticipation that makes whatever or whomever we are waiting for all the sweeter, but is fleeting and diminishes rapidly, the longer we are forced to wait.

The second stage of waiting is anxiety, which gives rise to 101 questions.  What time was my appointment?  Am I in the right place?  Why is it taking so long?  Should I be doing something else?  On and on the questions pour out of that worry place, till our blood pressure is climbing and a zoo-worthy butterfly exhibit opens for business in your stomach without permits.   This is a good stage because it can be a quest for clarification and an opportunity for correction if there has been some kind of miscommunication or misunderstanding.

Years ago a sign was put up in the office encouraging patients to come up to the front desk with questions, twenty or more minutes after their appointment time had passed.  It was definitely a win-win; for patients who were able to get an explanation for the delay, and for staff who may have accidentally dropped the ball.  Being willing to ask the tough questions and accept the answers even if we do not like them is one sure way to prevent us from wasting our time waiting for the wrong thing or the wrong person, because the longer the delay, the more difficult the waiting process is going to become.

 Frustration!  This is stage three and truly where the rubber meets the road in the waiting process; the place of testing where the truth is revealed about the content our character and the condition of our hearts.  When we get tired of waiting frustration sets in, the masks come off, gloves come off, earrings come off, stilettos come off and the purse is in the tree!  (Seriously, if you know what that last part means you have earned a PhD in cultural awareness or you may be from the ‘hood’.  If you have no idea what it means, phone a friend, or post your perplexity in the comment section and I promise to let you know.)

Ironically, our sickest patients were often the most gracious despite their frustration, while others just got ugly, like the Israelites in the desert, grumbling, complaining, demanding, and unwittingly exposing the fact that their love for blessing and comfort far exceeded their love for God.  Moses later revealed one reason they had to wait,

“And you shall [earnestly] remember all the way which the Lord your God led you thee forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and to prove you, to know what was in your [mind and] heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.”  Deuteronomy 8:2 The Amplified Bible

Joseph languished in an Egyptian prison because his own brothers had sold him into slavery, Potiphar’s cougar wife had lied about him trying to rape her, and the cupbearer whose dream he had correctly interpreted promptly forgot about Joseph and his plea to put in a good word with the Pharaoh for two full years!  (Genesis 37, and 39-40).  Surely he had earned the right to be frustrated when all the while he was waiting for the fulfillment of dreams of leadership that God had given to him as a young man of seventeen, (Genesis 37:1-11).

Frustration tests our commitment to the things hoped for that are yet unseen, and demands perseverance and discipline to control the negative emotions roiling in our heart that too often spill out of our mouths, infecting life, hopes and dreams with the deadly poison of bitterness and resentment.  However, when frustration is controlled and directed, it can accomplish a good work.

“…but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.  Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit Who was given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

What we do with our frustration leads us into stage four of the waiting process; decision and action; defiance and rebellion or trust and submission.  Judas was one who decided to do something about his frustration with Jesus’ refusal to take advantage of His popularity with the people and lead Israel to overthrow the oppressive Roman government, showing off some of those spectacular miracles they all knew He was capable of.

After centuries of waiting for Messiah, Judas was convinced that Jesus could be the one to fulfill all his personal desires for significance, power and influence.  He was done waiting, and decided that the best way to force Jesus’ hand was to sell Him out to the high priest and his cohorts.  Surely the threat of a horrific death on a Roman cross would compel Jesus to do something so spectacular that the kingdom of God would be established in accordance with Judas’ agenda and timetable.

 Never try to hustle, manipulate, or run some kind of racket or con on God to try to force Him to act.  It will not end well.  Ever!  He is God.  He does not exist to serve our agendas or abide by our timetables.  He sees all and knows all. His purposes and plans cannot be thwarted.

 “I know that You can do everything, and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.”  Job 42:2

And never decide to take matters into you own hands, all the while claiming to be following His instructions.  Saul tried that and lost his kingdom (I Samuel 15:1-34), and Sarah managed to orchestrate thousands of years of Arab-Israeli conflict when she decided to help God out, (Genesis 16:1-15).  There is only one wise decision to make in this stage of the waiting process:

“Commit you way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.  He shall bring forth you righteousness as the light and your justice as the noonday. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.”  Psalm 37:5-7

 Trust and patience usher in the final stage of the waiting process; fulfillment and realization of hopes and dreams.  I came this close to naming my first daughter Thomas, in a grand, medication-induced gesture of overwhelming gratitude to the anesthesiologist who was finally able to give me an epidural after nineteen hours of hard labor!  Shock, awe, relief and tears of joy often characterize stage five of the waiting process, and the decisions and actions of stage four determine whether we a jumping for joy or hanging our heads in shame.

Back in the doctors’ office, roaring lions became bleating lambs the minute the doctor walked in to take care of them, often leaving the front office staff to shake their heads in wonder at the transformation.  In fact, I tend to cast a suspicious and skeptical eye at anyone who claims to enjoy or excel in the waiting process, but sooner or later we are guaranteed to find ourselves right there…waiting…for something to happen…or for someone to come.

So here’s the thing, whether we like it or not, the plans of God seldom come in a microwaveable container.  But, waiting for ‘the fullness of time’ to come does not need to derail our faith, instead it can be a profitable and productive time of discipline, trust and ever-increasing faith, that is, if we choose to love God for Himself and not just for what He can do for us, and are willing to persevere in …just living the thing.

A perfect garden and a tree laden with forbidden fruit.  A lie believed and a choice made.  Mankind deceived with cataclysmic consequences.  Oh, how the enemy of God must have clapped his evil hands in glee.  In one fell swoop he had successfully separated the Creator from His prized possession, the crown jewel of all creation, the man and woman created in the very image of God, now lost to Him forever and beyond redemption.  Wrong!

The Omniscient (all-knowing) One already had a plan:

“The Lord God said to the serpent,… ‘I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; He will strike you head, and you will strike his heel.’”  Genesis 3:14-15

A smelly, dusty barn and a newborn baby lying in an animal trough.  Wise men follow a star never seen before or since, and confide in an evil, insecure king.  Helpless women wail in horror and sorrow as Herod’s soldiers mercilessly slaughter every boy child two years old and under in the City of David, Bethlehem.  Yes, the enemy had gotten wind of God’s plan to save mankind and he was not having that.  The One born to be the Savior of the world must not be allowed to live, and in the murder of the innocents the enemy believed he had won.  Wrong again!

“…behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream saying, ‘Arise, take the young Child and His mother, flee to Egypt, and stay there until I bring you word; for Herod will seek the young Child to destroy Him.’  When he arose, he took the young Child and His mother by night and departed for Egypt…”  Matthew 2:13-14

 But now behold the Man!  Nailed to a Roman cross stark naked,  in the most brutal and shameful form of capital punishment.  Beaten beyond recognition; innocent blood now dripping from the thorns pressed into His forehead; from the huge nails in His hands and feet; from the flesh on His back torn apart by thirty-nine punishing lashes.

Rejected and abused by the very ones He came to save.  Betrayed, renounced and abandoned by the twelve men He had poured His life and truth into continually for three years.  Lifeless now and laid in a tomb hewn into the rock that was meant for another.  Surely now, the enemy had finally won.

And see the former followers of John the Baptist, the former fishermen, the former tax-collectors…they had all abandoned lucrative careers when Jesus said, “Come follow me.”  What would they do now?  How could they face the “I told you so(s)”; the shame of returning to their former life labeled as failures, all their hopes dashed to pieces, and nothing to show for the past three years but a dead leader, and religious leaders gunning to kill them too.

Oh, how the kingdom of darkness must have celebrated and rejoiced as that huge stone was rolled into place in front of the tomb and sealed, as the Roman garrison took up their positions to guard it.  The enemy of God had finally won?  My youngest child would say, “Wrong again, suckaaaah!”

“And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door and sat on it.  His countenance was like lightning and his clothing as white as snow.  And the guards shook for fear of him and became like dead men.  But the angel answered and said to the women, ‘Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified.  He is not here; for He is risen, as He said…’”  Matthew 28:2-6

 He is alive for evermore!  The resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead put such a ‘beat down’ on the enemy of God and his cohorts you would think he would just give up and accept defeat.  Not so.

“Be well balanced(temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger] seeking someone to seize upon and devour.  Withstand him; be firm in faith [against his onset – rooted, established, strong, immovable, and determined], knowing that the same (identical) sufferings are appointed to your brotherhood (the whole body of Christians) throughout the world.”  I Peter 5:8-9 The Amplified Bible

 Knowing his destruction is inevitable, the enemy has redoubled his efforts against a new target, God’s prized possession, the universal church of Jesus Christ; those who have believed that…

“…God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him may not perish but may have eternal life.  Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him.”  John 3:16-17

 The Gaither Vocal Band sings a timeless song titled, The Church Triumphant, and the most classic rendition includes my hands-down favorite poem of all time, God Has Always Had A People.

 God Has Always Had A People

Many a foolish conqueror made the mistake of thinking that because he had forced the Church of Jesus Christ out of sight, that he had stilled its voice and snuffed out its life.

But God Has Always Had A People

The powerful current of a rushing river is not diminished because it is forced to flow underground. The purest water is the stream that bursts crystal clear into the sunlight after it has fought its way through solid rock.

There have been charlatans who like Simon the magician, sought to barter on the open market that power which cannot be bought or sold.

But God Has Always Had A People

Men who could not be bought and women who were beyond purchase.

Yes, God Has Always Had A People

There have been times of affluence and prosperity when the Church’s message was nearly diluted into oblivion by those who sought to make it socially attractive, neatly organized and financially profitable. It has been gold-plated, draped in purple and encrusted with jewels. It has been misrepresented, ridiculed, blotted and scorned.

These followers of Jesus Christ have been, according to the whim of the times, elevated as sacred leaders and martyred as heretics. Yet through it all, there marches on that powerful army of the meek; God’s chosen people that can’t be bought, flattered, murdered or stilled. On through the ages they march.

The Church, God’s Church Triumphant, is Alive and Well!

Now listen child of God. It’s alive!
Discouraged pastor, it’s His Church and it’s alive!
Lonely missionary, sow your seeds with confidence!  It’s alive!
It’s alive my broken-hearted friend!
Old saint, you’re not alone and forgotten, the Church is alive!
Busy mother, cast your cares on Jesus!  It’s alive!
It’s alive, young student. You’re not alone in serving the Lord!
Faithful father, there’s rest in the Lord! The Church is alive!

Cynical skeptic you haven’t killed God with your noisy unbelief.

He is Alive!

So family of God raise your hands and praise the Lord.

For the Church, God’s Church Triumphant is Alive and Well!

 “And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, ‘Behold the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people.  God Himself will be with them and be their God.  And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes: there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.’  Then He who sat on the throne said, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’ And He said to me, ‘Write, for these words are true and faithful.’”  Revelation 21:3-5

 …just living the thing.

There was an article on the internet this week titled, “Dear White Christian America: Jesus Wasn’t a White Surfer Dude”, and if I am hearing the writer correctly then the History Channel, the producers of  “The Bible” miniseries, and anyone else who dares to portray or conceive of Jesus as “a white surfer dude with blue eyes, long flowing hair, and tanned and toned skin” is most likely racist, right-wing, Christian dominionist (?), Republican, and/or has succumbed to the “power of internalized white supremacy.”   Pshaw!  And here I thought I was being too critical for thinking they were taking a little too much editorial liberty for my liking!

I am a racial/ethnic mixture of black, polish jewish and chinese… just from my mom and dad, and to further complicate my children’s lives, I married a white man!  Haaaaaah!  I am known to embrace and celebrate all the above ethnicities, plus a few others especially when good food is involved.  For years I checked “Other” (as in alien?) on questions of race, but lately there has been a new option, “Two or more races”, so now I just land right there.  Yaaaaay!  In some circles I am not black enough, or I am not white enough, or I am not ‘something else’ enough and once you get past any insecurity, …everyt’ing irie! (Jamaican for ‘It’s all good!’)

Maybe it helps that I was born and raised in Jamaica, where blacks are in the majority, everybody seems to be born feisty (could be the spices), and the National Motto is, “Out of many, one people”.  From age thirteen on I grew up in a church that began as a chinese mission, is now led by a black senior pastor, with a congregation of blacks, whites, indians, chinese, and every combination of those races you could imagine.  I have lived and worked in Jamaica, Puerto Rico and the United States, with people of various religions, cultures and skin color and have learned that every last one of us has the capacity for racist thoughts, words and actions.

The choice to believe that any individual or group is superior and others inferior is not only determined by our ethnicity or the color of our skin, but by the condition of our hearts.  Tremendous power has to be brought to bear against the self-serving desires, motives and values so intrinsic to our nature, that relentlessly drive every single one of us to seek to be higher than, better than, to have more than, …to be gods. The longer I live, the more I am convinced that the only final limitation on our capacity for evil is divine power and intervention.

For example, human beings exploiting and enslaving their fellow man did not begin or end with the African slave trade.  Historical records from time immemorial all the way to this morning’s news prove that slaves and slave traders come in all shapes, colors and sizes; they just wear different clothes.  In human relationships, it is sad that our first inclination is too often to rule over, dominate and establish superiority rather than to serve.  Do you want to test the condition of someone’s heart or the ‘content of their character’?  Give them any kind of power or authority over other people and see what they do with it.  Jesus knew this when He warned His followers;

“…You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.  Not so with you.  Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”  Matthew 20:25-28  New International Version

 Earlier He had clarified for them the real source of this and every other sin,

 “But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean.  For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.  These are what make a man unclean…” Matthew 15:18-20

 …backing up Jeremiah’s declaration hundreds of years earlier,

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?  I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”  Jeremiah 17:9-10

 “…the Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  I Samuel 16:7

 There is a song we would sing in Sunday school many…many… years ago:

 Jesus loves the little children

All the children of the world

Red and yellow, black and white

All are precious in His sight

Jesus loves the little children of the world

 Simple, maybe, but it conveys a truth that Peter discovered about God:

 … “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear Him and do what is right.”  Acts 10:34

 Consider the new song John heard in his vision of heaven;

“‘You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation.  You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth….’  Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them singing: ‘To Him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!’”  Revelation 5:9-10, 13  (emphasis mine)

So here’s the thing, regardless of what the rest of society chooses do, every true follower of Jesus Christ must harness the available power of God to resist all sin; including our tendency to give or take offense, especially when it comes to racism, or any other form of prejudice.  What we need to internalize is that God is primarily concerned with the state of our hearts, and He still loves every one of us; those who choose to love Him back, and those who are determined to disavow His existence, throw off His claim to our lives, spurn His commands, and waltz their willful, rebellious selves into the consequences of sin.

Whatever God calls sin, we too must call sin, no matter what color it comes packaged in, but that is not permission to be inconsiderate and insensitive, to go around slapping labels on people, or to take offense at every perceived slight when it is clear there was no intent whatsoever to offend.  It is our responsibility to take a strong stand against every form of racism, and also to stand in support of every victim of racism or prejudice; the ones who are treated as if they are inferior, and those who are wrongfully accused of being racist…yes…the latter become victims too.

 We are all equal because God made us equal, and if we truly believe in Jesus Christ, then we know there is coming a day when the eastern sky will open, heralding His triumphant return to planet earth and I personally will not care if He is blue with pink polka dots!  We are all going to be with Him in the place He has been preparing for over two thousand years and I doubt very much that there will be any ethnic neighborhoods,  so we had better just get over ourselves, purposefully embrace our diversity, and begin here and now… just living the thing.

Your love never fails

It never gives up

It never runs out on me.

On and on and on and on it goes

It overwhelms and satisfies my soul

And I never ever have to be afraid

One thing remains,

Your love never fails…

Do you ever get a song stuck on repeat in your head?  This one has been stuck in mine like a mantra ever since my volunteer orientation at Without Permission; a faith-based, non-profit organization doing a great work with local and federal law enforcement agencies to rescue people from human trafficking and modern-day slavery.  So many are lured by a promise of love, the need to belong, and desperate hope for a better life, only to be trapped in a cycle of perpetual abuse.

 If I were ever kidnapped by a secret government organization, my memory wiped clean, and my body rigorously trained and honed into a finely tuned, size 5, Jason Bournesque killing machine (stop laughing), then my ‘handlers’ could make me unleash a world of hurt with a single trigger word; abuse!  I just hear the word and I want to fight somebody, which I have not done since I was about six years-old, when… allegedly… it took three adults to pull me off a kid who was trying to beat me up for the second time; two to hold me, and one to rescue him.  I do not recall that incident, but… allegedly… there are witnesses.

“abuse: use something to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse; treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, esp. regularly or repeatedly; use or treat in such a way as to cause damage or harm; speak in an insulting and offensive way to or about (someone); the improper use of something.”  The New Oxford American Dictionary.

 It is appalling how many descriptive words we can now put in front of ‘abuse’ to describe the ways we can repeatedly treat a person with cruelty or violence in order to cause damage or harm; physical, sexual, verbal, psychological, emotional, and on and on.  All of these have in common the debilitating devastation inflicted on body and mind from injuries seen and unseen.  Every survivor is a hero, and the only legitimate position to take and policy to adopt is… zero tolerance!

But perhaps the most destructive abuse that mauls the heart, breaks the human spirit and puts our very soul in peril, is inflicted by people claiming to represent God; purporting to act on His behalf in our lives.  Whenever any form of abuse is combined with spiritual abuse and perpetrated ‘in the name of God’. the devastation takes on nuclear proportions because victims are made to believe that to question, challenge, or fight back against the abuse is to fight against God Himself.  Who in their right minds wants to be guilty of doing that?!

The wounds inflicted by spiritual abuse are not only deep, they become septic almost immediately, flooding heart, soul and mind with deadly emotional ‘bacteria’; bitterness, rage, helplessness and hopelessness.  The sense of betrayal alone damages, if not completely destroys, precious faith and consequently our ability to have a healthy relationship with Almighty God, or His true followers.

I was at the lowest point in my life, wounded and vulnerable, when I accepted an invitation from a friend to a new church that for a time was a desperately needed shelter from the terrible storm that was raging in my life.  Some of the people who were part of that church are still among my closest friends, however as the leadership welcomed and surrounded me with acceptance, warmth and fellowship, I was completely unaware that I was being ‘groomed’ for the emotional, mental and psychological manipulation and abuse that was to come, in the name of Jesus; spiritual abuse, expertly executed.

These leaders used their position of influence over people who were vulnerable for one reason or another to build their own ‘kingdom’. They manufactured evidence of spiritual gifts and manipulated with misinformation about God that was so close to the truth it was nearly indistinguishable from the real thing.  By the time they were exposed and moved away, claiming to be ‘led by the Lord’ to do so, they left behind countless people whose faith has been decimated, and to this day some have never recovered enough for them to trust in God again.

Jesus warned about spiritual charlatans, purveyors of spiritual abuse, and the wrath of God is stored up to be unleashed on them.

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.  You will know them by their fruits.  Are grapes gathered from thorns, or figs from thistles?  In the same way, every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.  A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.  Thus you will know them by their fruits.”  Matthew 7:15-20

“If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea.  Woe to the world because of stumbling blocks!  Occasions for stumbling are bound to come, but woe to the one by whom the stumbling block comes.”  Matthew 18:6-7

 “For we know the One who said, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay.’ And again, ‘The Lord will judge His people.’  It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”  Hebrews 10:30-31

 However the cry of my heart is for those victims of spiritual abuse who are still unable to separate the truth about God’s nature and character from the lies of the snake oil salesmen who claimed to represent Him.  I ache for too many who have been so wounded that their faith is barely a flicker and the walls around their hearts impenetrable.  Hear me when I say I know your rage, I have felt your pain, I have walked in your shoes, but… I also know Jesus, the Word that became flesh, full of grace and truth (John 1:1-14).  He is the fulfillment of Isaiah’s prophecy,

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow upon them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor.”  Isaiah 61:1-3

 So here’s the thing, no matter how terrible the damage, there is always a way back to even deeper faith, making the enemy of our souls rue the day he messed with us.  We must be willing to immerse ourselves in the healing truth of the Word of God, to emerge restored to wholeness; wise as serpents, harmless a doves (Matthew 10:16), ready to strap on the armor of God,

“…that you may be able to stand against the methods and schemes of the devil…that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand.” (Ephesians 6:11, 13)

Spiritually armed and dangerous; from wounded to warrior… just living the thing.

Imagine for a minute that you get to be God,  BUT …you are not allowed to start listing people you would instantly wipe off the face of the earth with a single word out of your ‘God mouth’, just because they irritate you!  Instead, the ‘God version’ of you is overwhelmed by love for the human beings you had created, and decides to mount a monumental rescue mission to save all humanity by actually becoming human yourself.  And, because you are God, you have your pick of human forms to take on.

 Who would you become when you showed up as Savior of the world?  Wouldn’t you choose to be stunningly handsome, filthy rich, with impeccable taste and wield immense power and influence?  What about your ancestry?  Wouldn’t you want an equally impressive blood line, filled with royalty, heroes and celebrities guaranteeing that you would be born with quite a few silver spoons in your mouth?

As it turns out, the genealogy of God who became a man called Jesus, (Matthew 1:1-16 and Luke 3:23-37), is liberally sprinkled with heroes and quite a few kings including David and Solomon who were huge celebrities in their own time.  And them somewhere in the middle of all that awesomeness and celebrity we come across the following:

“Salmon, the father or Boaz, whose mother was Rahab…”  Matthew 1:5

Just for now let’s  ignore the guy with the fish name, look past the other guy who is one half of the most amazing love story ever, and check out his mother, Rahab.  Recognize her? Her name shows up again in the book of Hebrews:

“By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.”  Hebrews 11:31

Apparently ‘cover-up’ and ‘whitewash’ are not in God’s nature, or part of His modus operandi!  Rahab is one of only a few women included when (God) the Holy Spirit inspired Matthew to write down the genealogy of Jesus (also God), and the writer of Hebrews elevates her among those in the Hall of Great Faith, and makes no attempt to hide her ‘occupation’ before she chose to believe in the God of Israel.

Which brings me to the tale of a peaceful Sunday evening, watching an episode of the History Channel series “The Bible” with my oldest daughter.  She is the least talkative member of our family; petite and beautiful, with a razor-sharp wit, and brains for days!  I remember sitting with her in church one Sunday morning as the preacher encouraged to congregation to choose their heroes wisely.  After a slight pause for effect, he asked in his most serious voice,

“Who is your hero?”

I was not sure she was paying attention until I heard my firstborn whisper, under her breath, in an equally serious tone,

“Batmaaaaaaan.”

There may be moments when it is okay to just bust out laughing in church, but clearly that was not one of them, so I struggled to turn the laughter into a fit of coughing. Lesson learned; “She lickle but she tallawah”, which is the Jamaican description of someone who is petite in stature, but a force to be reckoned with!

We watched in complete yet companionable  silence as the story of Rahab and the Israeli spies unfolded on the television screen then without any warning she comments,

“She may be a ‘ho’, but she is not a stupid ‘ho’.”

Oh no she didn’t!  Yes… she… did!  I was doing my best fish-out-of-water impression; mouth opening and closing repeatedly, while she looked at me with her infamous, “Whaaaaaaaaa….t? You know it’s true” stare.  Any Pharisaical outrage was completely overcome by my traitorous sense of humor, because it was true.  Everyone hiding behind those thick walls of Jericho had heard about the God of Israel, and His amazing power exercised on behalf of His people at the Red Sea, and against the armies of the Amorite kings, but Rahab was the only one who chose to put her faith in Him to save herself and her family.

“Before the spies lay down for the night, she went up on the roof and said to them, ‘I know that the Lord has given this land to you and that a great fear of you has fallen on us, so that all who live in this country are melting in fear because of you…the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on earth below.  Now then, please swear to me by the Lord that you will show kindness to my family, because I have shown kindness to you.  Give me a sure sign that you will spare the lives of my father and mother, my brothers and sisters, and all who belong to them, and that you will save us from death.’” Joshua 2:8-13

 Regardless of her shortcomings, Rahab was definitely not stupid.  When Jericho was defeated and completely destroyed in what has to be the strangest battle strategy in the history of war, (Joshua 6:1-20), Rahab and all her family were saved:

“But Joshua spared Rahab the prostitute, with her family and all who belonged to her, because she hid the men Joshua had sent as spies to Jericho, and she lives among the Israelites to this day.”  Joshua 6:25

 She is just one of the people I cannot wait to hang out with when I get to heaven because I need details people…details!  We know she married an Israeli man named Salmon (absolutely no comment), raised a God-fearing, God-honoring young man of great integrity named Boaz, and among her descendants is Jesus the Christ/Messiah, God in human form, and heir to the royal throne of David.  The prostitute who ran the brothel in Jericho became for all intents and purposes,  a princess.

“…I truly understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to Him.”  Acts 10:34-35

 “…for the Lord does not see as mortal see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”  I Samuel 16:7

 So here’s the thing, when God Almighty decided to take on human form, it is clear He had no intention of trying to impress any of us and in His economy,  faith in God is the great equalizer.  When our worlds crumble around us, we will not be saved by our socio-economic status or connections to power and influence, but by great faith, in a great God, whose eyes roam to and fro across the earth searching for those with great hearts that are truly His, who are … just living the thing.

Earlier this week a statue of Mrs. Rosa Parks was unveiled in Statuary Hall in Washington D. C., making her the first black woman to be honored with a life-size statue in the Capitol.  The artist captures her image as she might have appeared on December 1, 1955; dressed in her heavy wool coat, clutching her purse; quiet, determined and defiant as she remained in her seat on that bus in Montgomery, Alabama, looking out the window; waiting for the police to come and arrest her,… or worse.

Buses and trains were frequently the flashpoint for exposing and opposing the racism and the segregation imposed by the Jim Crow laws.  Once, Rosa Parks was forced to walk five miles to her home, in the pouring rain.  She had got on a bus through the front door and was ordered by the driver to go in the back. While she was complying with his order, she dropped her purse and as she bent to retrieve it, she half-sat in one of the seats reserved for whites.

Mrs. Parks got off the bus and was making her way to the back door when the driver drove away, leaving her standing on the side of the road,  …in the rain, …after she had already paid the fare.  I sure hope he found Jesus before he died!  Besides, there is now a statue of her in the Capitol building …and, to use a figure of speech, ‘nobody but his momma remembers his name’, soooooooo…

Just four days before that fateful December day, 14 year-old Emmett Till had been kidnapped, beaten beyond recognition, and murdered, allegedly because he flirted with a white woman.  His murder had shaken the civil rights community (made up both black and white people) to its core, so by the time that bus driver ordered Rosa Parks to get out of her seat on the crowded bus just so a white man could sit in it, she was just about sick and tired of this evil that was poisoning the nation, and ready to put her life on the line to “do what was right and not give in to fear.” (I Peter 3:6)

“People always say that I didn’t give up my seat because I was tired, but that isn’t true.  I was not tired physically, or no more tired than I usually was at the end of a working day.  I was not old, although some people have an image of me as being old then.  I was forty-two.  No, the only tired I was, was tired of giving in.  I knew someone had to take the first step and I made up my mind not to move.  Our mistreatment was just not right, and I was tired of it.”  Rosa Parks.  See more at: http://rosaparksfacts.com

Rosa Parks drew her line in the sand at racism and injustice; which this week had me wondering where would I draw my line?  Where is my seat on the bus?  Where would I be willing to take a final stand …or a seat; to say, “I will not move”?  Maybe it’s because I am a planner at heart; most comfortable when there is at least an outline of a plan or strategy, with some room for flexibility and spontaneity.  Or maybe it’s because the Bible insists on telling us the whole truth, so Jesus gave us this little tidbit:

 “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you.  If you were of the world the world would love its own.  Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.  Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’  If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you…”  John 15:18-20   

Clearly He did not take Carnegie’s course on “How To Win Friends and Influence People”!  But He does not lie either, and to this day there are numerous places in our world where people are beaten, tortured, imprisoned; lose their possessions, friends, family and sometimes their very life only because they choose to believe in, and follow Jesus Christ.

Many believe that kind of thing could never happen here in our ‘tolerant’ and ‘democratic’ society.  Certainly not with our amazing, iron-clad Constitution, our Bill of Rights, our Declaration of Independence and the truths we hold to be self-evident, “…that all men are created equal,  that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, …”

Wait a minute, …endowed by which Creator?  The One our children are not allowed to learn about in public schools?  Or the One whose existence and desire for relationship with us so many do not even recognize or acknowledge?  Or, the One who in perfect love and wisdom tells us something is wrong, (for our own good, by the way), and we insist on calling it right… because we are way smarter, and so much more tolerant, enlightened, and evolved than Him?  That Creator?

Truth be told, these days I am not feeling all that confident that the persecution Jesus prophesied could never happen here, in my lifetime.  Hence my reflection on Mrs. Parks’ conviction, courage and strength of character, and a desire to decide ahead of time exactly where is my line in the sand; my seat on the bus?

For three Hebrew boys, Hananiah (God has favored), Azariah (God has helped), and Mishael (who is as God), whom we know better as Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, their seat on the bus was actually on wide open plain, before a huge statue, and a fiery furnace constructed for the sole purpose of destroying all who refused to bow to the image of a man who desired to be worshipped as god.  Solomon was right (in Ecclesiastes 1:9-10), there really is nothing new under the sun, is there?

This was not their first rodeo either.  When they arrived in Babylon as prisoners, God had given them, and their friend Daniel (God is my judge), favor with the king’s servant, and some ‘mad’ skills in diplomacy, because they would not compromise God’s laws about what food they could eat and point blank refused to eat the king’s food.  Now this worshipping-an-idol-in-the-desert thing was yet another direct challenge to their commitment to obey God’s law:

“You shall have no other gods before Me, …you shall not bow down to them nor serve them…”  Exodus 20:2-6

 When Nebuchadnezzar threatened to have them thrown in the furnace because they refused to bow, these boys did not waver.

“…we have no need to answer you I this matter.  If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king.  But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, or will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”  Daniel 3:16-18

 Not bad for a speech right off the top of your head!  Maybe because it came from hearts that already knew where they had drawn their line in the sand; taken their seat on the bus. They knew they could not; would not be moved.  Just thinking; maybe I should write a speech from my heart and have it ready…you know… just in case.

“Rosa Parks should have just complied with the bus driver’s request and given up her seat on the bus,” says no one, ever!  On the contrary, the President reminded those assembled for the unveiling:

“In a single moment, with the simplest of gestures, she helped change America and change the world.”  New York Times

 Things turned out well for Mrs. Rosa Parks…hey, not too many people end up with life-size statues of them in the nation’s Capitol building.  Because of her, and countless other civil rights stalwarts of all races, neither I nor my half-black children, (who ironically have never taken public transportation), would ever have to sit in the back, or give up our seat on a bus or train unless we desire to do so; and we get assigned seats on planes regardless of our skin color.  And, consider, the current President of these United States is an African-American; something which Mrs. Parks could not have foreseen in her wildest dreams or expectations when she quietly refused to move from her seat on that bus.

However, the Bible, Jesus Freaks Volumes I and II, Foxe’s Book of Martyrs, and so many other books, are full of the stories of people who were persecuted and killed because they refused to back down from doing what was right.  There is never any guarantee that taking a stand, or a seat, and refusing to move will end in accolades, statues, or celebrations.  Whatever stand we take, or seat we sit in, it had better be worth it, in and of itself, no matter what the outcome here on earth.

So, here’s the thing, I am very clear about my line in the sand; my seat on the bus.  I will not oppose the God of the Bible…period!  I will love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and love my neighbor as myself, but I will not stand in agreement with, or stand in support of anyone or anything that is in defiant, rebellious, opposition to God.

No, you will not find me screaming at people, waving offensive signs, or plotting to overthrow anything because truly loving God and loving others completely fills up my plate and keeps me busy enough; if I am doing it right!  I’m no Braveheart; not even close.  I’m just a sinner like everybody else born in this world; saved by the grace of God, through faith in the person and work of Jesus Christ, finding my seat on the bus and …just living the thing.

You have my word I will explain the meaning of that Latin phrase in the title, but first, I have to tell you the story of how Os Guinness came to preach at my church on Palm Sunday in 2012, and managed to knock over the first domino in a series of events that would alter the course of my life!

Os is a noted author and social critic with a doctorate in Philosophy.  His book, A Free People’s Suicide, Sustainable Freedom And The American Future is next on my list of books to read.  Despite his sheer brilliance and scholarship, the adorable Irish accent, his humility, and the ability to effectively communicate and translate the world of scholarship to ordinary life all combine to make Os really easy to listen to, and not have his words fly over your head like a supersonic jet.

Ostensibly, (see what I did there?), the subject of his sermon on that fateful Palm Sunday was the triumphal entry of Jesus into Jerusalem, but somewhere in the middle of his talk he quickly quoted a verse from the Bible and suddenly, in my head, there was the sound of screeching tires and squealing brakes!  Wait!  Whaaaaaa……t did he just say?  Os moved on with his talk and it took everything in me not to jump out of my seat, waving my arms wildly to get his attention.  “Hold on there! Did you just read that out of the Bible?  Because I’ve read the book of Acts umpteen times and I do not remember seeing that in there!”

“For when David had served God’s purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep; he was buried with his fathers and his body decayed.”  Acts 13:36 New International Version

 “For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, …” Acts 13:36 New Revised Standard Version

 “For David, after he had served God’s will and purpose and counsel in his own generation…” Acts 13:36 Amplified Bible

 Tell me one thing, …any thing at all, that you could achieve, accomplish, or acquire in the entire span of your life on this planet that could possibly be worth more, be more significant, more important, or matter at all more than this accolade which David received at the end of his earthly life, and the beginning of his eternal life in the presence of God!

To this day I have no idea what the rest of the sermon was about.  I have loved God and wanted to do His will since I was a little girl, aware of what our ‘Christianese’ language describes as His ‘general will’.  I was living a good life; working, going to and serving at church, reading the Bible, praying volunteering, spending time with friends…all the things that I knew were right to do, and are right to do.    However, until that fateful Sunday, I could not remember ever having consciously framed my every choice or decision in the context of ‘serving the purpose of God in my generation’.

Of course, this is not about stopping to pray and ask God if I should go to the bathroom now, or put the garbage out tomorrow.  Instead, it is about living each day deeply aware that,

“Our life occurrences are not disjecta membra – scattered, disconnected and accidental fragments.  In God’s book all these events were written beforehand, when as yet there was nothing in existence but the plan in God’s mind – to be fashioned in continuance in actual history…”  from George Muëller of Bristol And His Witness To A Prayer-hearing God  by Arthur T. Pierson

 “…All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16

 Ann Marie……..32,850 days

I am willing to bet good money, that is not how ‘the days ordained for me’ are written in His book!  (Lord knows I am praying that number is wrong too because I long for Jesus to return waaaaay before I have seen that many days!)  David continues:

 “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!  How vast is the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand…”  Psalm 139:17-18

 I believe God wrote down all the details of my life, and yours …every single one, …all of it, … the good, the bad, and the ugly, ‘before one of them came to be’.

 Consider the prophecy that the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem (Micah 5:2), …except… Mary lived in Nazareth (Luke 1:26), but ‘somehow’ she ends up engaged to a man who was from the lineage of David (Luke 1:27).  So when Caesar Augustus, who did not know God, the prophecy, Joseph, or Mary from Adam, ‘decides’ to impose yet another tax, Joseph is required to report to the city of David (Luke 2:1-6).  Mary is about nine months pregnant, is now forced to travel away from home, and gives birth to her baby where?  In Bethlehem!  Not disjecta membra!

 And, consider one of those shepherds out in the field that night Jesus was born, commiserating and complaining about what a failure he had become in life.  He was at the very bottom of every socio-economic ladder and going nowhere.  If only…  Then suddenly, the light, …and the angel, …and the other angels, …and the singing, …and he goes with the others and sees the baby, …the Messiah, …and he was one of the first people to know He had come!

“When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.” Luke 2:17-18

 Not disjecta membra!  In the middle of a life society would label a complete failure; an ‘insignificant’ shepherd, turned eye-witness preacher could ‘serve the purpose of God in his generation’.

And finally, consider the man forced to go fetch the water from the well for the evening meal, when everyone knows that is supposed to be women’s work.  Listen to him swearing under his breath, completely irritated, especially because, of course, he would be the only man at the well that evening, among all those women fetching water.  He could not have known that not long before he set out with the jar Jesus had told Peter and John,

“…As you enter the city, a man carrying a jar of water will meet you.  Follow him to the house that he enters, and say to the owner of the house, ‘The Teacher asks:  Where is the guest room, where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?’  He will show you a large upper room, all furnished.  Make preparations there.” Luke 22:10-12

 A man, carrying a jar of water… serving the purpose of God in his generation.  Not disjecta membra!

 So here’s the thing, nothing that occurs in my life or yours is disjecta membra: scattered, disconnected or an accidental fragment.  It was written down in God’s book before time began.  We get to choose how to respond to that truth.  We can pretend the plan does not exist at all: just go with the flow, roll with the punches, believe in karma, and never know the satisfaction or fulfillment of a deep sincere relationship with the living God.  Or, we can go about our own business every day: making independent choices and decisions, only consulting Him about the ‘big’ things…as if anything is ‘big’ for Him!  We can live as if we already know the overall purpose of God for our life, so we are just going to get on with fulfilling it as best we see fit.

Or, like David, Joseph and Mary, Jim Elliot, George Muëller of Bristol, Mother Teresa, and hundreds of thousands of others who have gone before us, whose names may be known only by God Himself, we can choose to live always conscious, and deeply aware that the Creator and ,Maker of the plan and purpose desires such an intimate relationship with us that, like people who have been married to each other forever, we will know what He wants us to do, every minute, of every day, as easily and effortlessly as we breath in and out.

 As for me, Os Guinness, who doesn’t know me from Adam, showed up to preach at our church and with one verse out of an entire sermon, was used by God to change the trajectory of my life, to follow the leading of the Lord to…  I have no idea where or what. My only remaining resolve, ambition, and life-long goal is ‘to serve the purpose of God’ in my generation.  Not disjecta membra   … just living the thing!

People are often surprised when I tell them I cannot recall my mother ever saying the words “I love you” to me, but in her generation, with a reserved disposition, and having been raised in a former British “stiff upper lip” colony like Jamaica, it was not unusual. I came to believe I was loved because of all the things she did, and the sacrifices she made for me.  My mom had a hard life, and was deeply hurt by too many people who should have loved her well, so she was determined to make sure I had a better life, and kept my guard up to prevent other people from betraying my trust.

Even though we lived in poor neighborhoods for most of my life, our house was always spotless and my clothes were immaculately washed and ironed.   She scrimped and saved to buy me an encyclopedia to ‘further my education’, and perhaps too because my voracious reading was the only thing that kept me from talking incessantly!  She is an amazing cook and my friends never left our house hungry or disappointed.  If you could remain in her good graces, she was kind and generous, but do not ever fall from grace, because if there is a road back into her favor, nobody knows about it, and she is not telling.

Many of my earliest memories are of my mom telling me that she was ‘investing’ in me, so that I would be able to take care of her when she was old.  My mom wasn’t very big on praise, unless it was tempered with a generous amount of but-you-could-have, you-should-have, or don’t-think-you’ve-done-enough-yet comments.  She did not want me to become proud or arrogant, to believe I was better than other people, or to forget where I came from.

So, from my mother I learned that love works hard, sacrifices a lot and wants the best for me, because that serves love’s long-term purpose.  It is fiercely protective and hospitable so it cooks superb food, but it is also conditional, depending on how well I performed; it always carries a measuring stick, and I have to keep hustling to be worthy of it, or it will be gone, in an instant.  None of that makes me bitter or resentful in any way, it is what it is, and inevitably that view of love got mixed into the ‘concrete foundation’ on which I built my life, my belief systems and my relationships.

My dad was a stud!  Ask the five…yes I said five (that we know of)…women who bore him children.  He actually married only one of them.  My brother and I often joke that we could be walking by other half-siblings on any given day and not even know it.  He was 6’2”, handsome, a prolific story-teller (not sure how many were actually true), with a friendly, outgoing personality that my brother and I both inherited.  No matter what my mom would tell me about him, I loved my daddy because he would take me on outings, read to me, or have me read to him; he danced with me standing on his feet, let me style his hair, and made me laugh…a lot.

Truth be told, he was also the most irresponsible social butterfly (monarch, I think), who would rather hang out with his buddies, swapping stories and drinking, than work to run his rather profitable business; leaving my poor mother to do most of the work till he showed up to collect the profits.  He regularly broke promises to take me on outings or to show up for my school events (I think both he and my mom were more embarrassed than negligent), and in the hospital, not long before he died, he assured me that I would be amply provided for, which turned out not to be true at all.

So from my dad, I learned that love is lots of fun and side-splitting laughter!  It is outgoing, never meets a stranger and invests in time spent together with loved ones, making memories to last a lifetime.  But love doesn’t always keep its promises and should not be depended on to provide for my needs, so I must depend only on me, to provide for me.

My first recollection of becoming aware of the amazing love of God was at Good Friday services at Torrington United Baptist Church in Kingston, Jamaica, which I attended regularly with my godmother (my parents never went), from the time I was three years-old till I was thirteen.  Everybody in Jamaica went to a church on Good Friday, unless you were bed-ridden or determined to go to hell.  Our service lasted from 9:00 am till 3 pm with a lunch break at noon…no kidding!  And you packed a lunch because everywhere was closed on Good Friday…except some bars that opened for business after 3:00 pm, the time when the Bible says Jesus died on the cross.

The entire service was a virtual reenactment, beginning with the Last Supper, Jesus weeping blood in the garden at Gethsemane, through the humiliations, the terrible beatings, spitting, the crown of thorns, the crucifixion, the prolonged suffering on the cross and finally His death…all of which Jesus endured because He loved me, and everyone else born on planet earth, and wanted to reconcile us to a right relationship with God so we would not spend eternity in hell!  Every Good Friday I was horrified, traumatized, and extremely repentant of every known and imagined sin, and for the life of me I could not fathom how anyone could respond to that kind of sacrificial love with anything but reciprocation?

As for me, I was determined to love God back, and equally determined to make Him glad He chose to love me, and had sacrificed so much for me.  I prayed to accept Jesus as my Savior every Good Friday for ten years until I started going to Swallowfield Chapel, where learned from my Sunday School teacher there  that I only needed to make that decision once, mean it, and live it.  She taught me about the grace of God too; that I did not have to earn or be worthy of God’s love, mercy or kindness, but somehow that truth did not penetrate the  fundamental belief that even though God loved me, He also carried a measuring stick to ensure I lived up to His expectations, and that He could withdraw that love in a heartbeat if I disappointed Him, and would provide for my needs only if I continued to please Him.

Like my friend Job, I lived a good life, for good reasons, for a good many years but remained tormented by the fear that one day I may not be good enough and the wrath of God was going to fall on me with vengeance.  I look back now and can easily identify the numerous ways, and many people who God used throughout my life to try to uproot my false view of Him and His love for me, but it was deeply-rooted and stubborn.  Interestingly, I can also see the schemes and the other people who the enemy used to reinforce my bondage to that fear.

Finally, the day came, when because He truly loved me, and could no longer stand to see me tortured and tormented by the fear of losing His love and favor, my Heavenly Father ‘busted out’ the spiritual version of a whole lot of C-4 explosives, and allowed my life to blow up in a spectacular display of failure and defeat;  I could have sworn He was trying to kill me!  As I lay devastated among the debris that remained, I was startled by persistent, still ever-present love of God.  He had successfully annihilated the warped foundation of a false belief system, destroying every bit of self-righteousness, insecurity, fear, and torment, and replacing it with a new foundation of truth on which He continues to build a new life for me.

“‘For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,’ says the LORD who has compassion on you.”  Isaiah 54:10

 “…Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.”  Jeremiah 31:3

 “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities not powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

 “…that Christ may dwell in you hearts through faith; that you being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height – to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”  Ephesians 3:17-19

 “He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” I John 4:8

 So, here’s the thing, we all grow up in this world forging an image of love that at best is well-intentioned but slightly distorted, and at its worst, a completely twisted and perverse version of love.  But true love can be known because God has made Himself known.  God is love…the real thing, and on that ‘rock’ I will build my whole life till I see Jesus face to face.  From God my Father I have learned the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth…

“…love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.  It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.  Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].  It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.  Love bears up under anything and everything that comes is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].  Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to and end]…”  I Corinthians 13:4-8 The Amplified Bible

 Yes, I think I will relax, revel, and rejoice in His amazing, ridiculous love for me, thank you very much.  Free from the fear that He will ever stop loving me, I remain secure, confident, and… just living the thing.